


Beyond the cameras

by Mindlessspn



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Actor Castiel, Angst with a Happy Ending, Cop!Dean, Depression, Drug Use, Eventual Smut, Fist Fights, Fluff, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Jealous Dean, M/M, Self-Discovery, Skydiving, Slow Burn, Suicide Attempt, Top Castiel/Bottom Dean Winchester, Vacation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-15
Updated: 2016-09-24
Packaged: 2018-06-08 14:32:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 42,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6858877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mindlessspn/pseuds/Mindlessspn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel Novak is an A list actor, great son and one of the wealthiest men in America. But this is Hollywood and looks can be decieving.</p><p>This is the story of when blue met green. And after that nothing was the same.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! This is my new story that I'm working on. It may have 20-22 chapters to it. Its not going to be on a schedule for posting. Maybe every night or every other night. Let me know what you think!

Castiel Novak had it all. He is one of the firsts openly bi men in the film industry and its only made his career stronger. He has money, power and any man or woman that he sees fit to take home that night. But he really doesn't have it all. Let me take you back to the beginning. The very beginning.

1992

Castiel Novak is only seven years old as he waits patiently in a waiting room to audition for the new kids show 'Barney'. His mother, Anna, were sitting together and he watched her talk animatedly about how great this is going to be for him but he didn't really listen. All he cared about was pretending. He loved to pretend to be something he wasn't and he could do just that in this audition as well. His mother squealed as his name was called to step into the room. He got up and smoothed his clothing over, willing himself to remember all the words he and his mother had practiced together. He looked at her and she gave him a beaming smile and a big thumbs up and he knew in that moment that he could not let her down anymore. He walked as confident as any acting seven year old could into the room and gave the cast pickers his biggest and goofiest kid smile. He smirked as he heard a collective "aww" fill the room. "Castiel Novak?," a stern looking woman sitting at a table asked him. He nodded and willed himself for his mouth to start making words, "that's me," he said cheesily as he put his thumb in his chest theatrically. The woman looked none too impressed and immediately flew into the lines that his character 'Shane' would have. Castiel kept the tempo up with her and never faltered or stumbled upon a word. After the scene, she gave her colleagues an impressed look and said, "thank you, Castiel. We'll be in touch." He remembers leaving the room like he had just failed an important task. He looked to his mother with a frown whose shoulders sagged in turn. She took his hand gently, whispered it was okay and went home. A couple of days later, he can remember sitting at the kitchen table and doing his homework when the phone rang. A couple minutes later, his mother had ran down the hall screaming with joy as she bounced up and down in her high heels. Castiel's face lit up as he shared in the joy with his mother. "You got the part!," she screamed as she took him in her arms and continued jumping. And that's how it all began.

2016

Castiel rolled his eyes as he let his assistant fix his crooked tie in the tiny dressing room on the set of the 'Jimmy Fallon Show.' "Yes, mom. I understand," he said irritated into his Bluetooth headset. "No. No more slip ups on maybe relationships. That's over and I'm ready to start focusing on my work again," he waited for his mother to finish her sentence, "alright, mom. I'll be on tonight at 11 and yes, I will call Gabriel later tonight…Okay…Okay…Okay really mom, I need to go now. Bye, love you," he said as he pressed the button on his headset to end the call. His assistant, Jo, took it out of his ear promptly. "Moms, huh?," she asked with a small grin. Castiel nodded along with her, "Exactly. But you know what they say," he said as he shrugged, "cant live with them. Cant live without them," they both said in unison as they busted out laughing. "Ah, thanks, Jo," he said as he calmed himself, "even after doing hundreds of these shows I still get a little nervous." Jo shrugged and waved her arm nonchalantly, "oh, who wouldn't? You'll do great! Now go out there and show that Novak smile that they love so much." Castiel smiled and leaned in to giver her a quick kiss on the cheek. "What would I do without you?" he laughed as an assistant for the show poked her head in and informed them that he goes on in five minutes. Castile nodded and followed the rushed assistant out of the room. He walked briskly down the narrow corridor with wires galore sticking out everywhere he walked. Jo kept up with his pace and gave him a list of things he could talk about and a list of subjects that were a no-go. He nodded after each point she made and stopped just outside of the stage. "Lets do this," he said more confidently than he felt as he gave Jo a quick high five. A makeup artist made her way over as she hastily made touch ups to his face. He could hear Jimmy Fallon's loud voice as he announced, "Now, welcome my next guest, from the hit movie 'Touched by an angel' to the new movie coming out this fall, 'Hell can wait', Castiel Novak!" He could hear the applause, he could feel the rush and adrenaline filling his veins as he hopped up the steps and waved at the crowd. Everyone was yelling his name or freaking out at the site of him, he smiled and made his way to the guest chair and shook Jimmy's hand before sitting down. "Alright, great to have you on Castiel," Jimmy said with a sincere smile. Castiel nodded and smiled, "Great to be here, Jimmy." "So, Castiel, tell me about this new film that you have coming out." He put his hand on his chin and rubbed his knee subconsciously, "Well, it's about this guy un who makes a deal with a demon for a reason I cant expose, and the time is running out, he has demons coming after him and he tells them he has a list that he wants to complete before he leaves out and with the help of my friend, Mark Sheppard, who plays the demon, Crowley, we race to finish it. It's a very funny movie. I'm not used to playing in comedies so this has been a real adventure," he finished as he clapped his hands together and let out a nervous laugh. Jimmy nodded along interested, "Alright, so its like a buddy comedy?" "Exactly. Were all very excited about it," Castiel said as his eyes lit up when he talked about the things he loves. "That's a big stretch from 'Touched by an angel'. Don't you think?," Jimmy asked as the audience nodded along wholeheartedly. "Why yes it is. And I just felt like I could use the change that this film is bringing along for me. I mean, 'Touched by an angel' I nothing short of a classic. I met some great people on the set but the drama felt so real that the tension could be cut with a knife. It was fantastic but sometimes you just have to shake it up," he said with a smile. Jimmy smiled back and asked the question he had been waiting to hear, "Are there any new love interests that you could tell us about?" Castiel swallowed nervously and looked around at the audience who was on the edge of their seats now, "Uh, no. No. I'm really at the point where I'm just trying to find myself. I mean, I am thirty one now and I still don't know who I am. It would be incredibly selfish of me to add someone into that mix," Castiel clarified. Jimmy nodded and checked his watch while clapping his hands together and rubbing them firmly, "Alright, well it was great having you. Castiel Novak everybody! And be sure to check out 'Hell can wait' in theaters this fall!" Castiel stood up and gave Jimmy another handshake and waved at the audience again. Alright. Not too bad, Novak. He thought proudly to himself.

Jo was waiting for him when he exited the stage. "Awesome job, dude!" she praised as they high fived once again. "So, at dinner tonight, I do want to go over your schedule and press appearances for the next week." Castiel nodded but paid her no mind, "always business, Jo. Of course I will be there. I'll see you then!" as he shouted and made a quick break for his car waiting for him before anyone noticed him.

Castiel sat back in the backseat of the luxurious BMW that he had rented. Today, he was in New York but he wasn't in the socializing mood. That Castiel Novak act that he puts up on that stage is exactly that. An act. Now comes the time where he's alone and he can self pity in peace. When did he become so alone? So bitter about everything in the world? He loves acting but he only did it for a career to pull his family out of poverty. It was what he was good at and he never really got the chance to sit and take a break. I wish the world could just see me for me he thought sadly as his phone vibrating over and over in his pocket tore him out of his wallowing thoughts. "Hey, Gabe," he answered into the phone. "Hey, Mr. Bigshot, too famous to give your big brother a call?," Gabe asked defensively. Castiel scoffed and rolled his eyes knowing that he couldn't see him, "Of course not. I've just been you know. Busy," he lied. "I know you just rolled your eyes. And I'm just worried about you, Cassie. I hear from you less and less. When are you going to come home?" Castiel glared out the window of the moving car watching as the skyscrapers passed by, "I don't know, Gabe. But soon. I promise." Gabe sighed into the receiver, "Okay. But make sure you call me soon." Castiel nodded to himself breathing a sigh of relief as they pulled up in front of hotel, "I promise. I need to go now, Gabe. I love you. Bye." He hung up before Gabe could respond. He was too concerned with the massive crowd that his star power had attracted to the hotel. He knows that he should be used to this already but he still isn't. He takes a deep breath as his body guard of the city, Benny, shows up at his side. "Don't worry. I know how to handle this," he calmly says as Cas nods trusting the man. They make their way down the sidewalk as swarms of people try to get a glimpse of the movie star. Some are trying to grab him, others are trying to take selfies with him. Usually he's in a good enough mindset to where he doesn't mind the occasional picture or autograph but everything's gotten to him too fast. They soon reach the doors and he turns around and yells a "thank you" into the crowd which drives them even crazier. Once he reaches inside he takes a look at the man who helped him with the mob he just encountered. "I'm sorry about that," he states embarrassed. "Don't be. It's my job to make sure no one hurts you," Benny says in his thick southern drawl. Castiel smiled a softly and took the elevator to his room.

Once he was in his room, he threw his sports jacket onto the decorative chair and sat on the bed slowly. He felt comfort in knowing that Benny was just on the other side of the door. Sometimes, he felt really overwhelmed with everything. Sometimes, he just didn't want to do this anymore. He started shaking as he could feel his panic attack start to come over him. He threw his head in his hands and let all his tension release him as he shook on the bed and cried. He never asked for this. Never asked for this life. All he wanted to do was help his family. He doesn't know how many hours have past until he hears a light tap on his door. "Come in," he yells in a hoarse voice as he looks up from his fetal position on the bed. "Sir, its time to go to dinner," the man he remembers as, Benny, gently says. Castiel sat up straighter and wipes his face, "Of course. I will be down in a minute." Benny nodded once and closed the door lightly. Castiel sighed as he rubbed his eyes. How did I get here?

20 minutes later, he's back in the back of the car with Benny by his side. He looked uncomfortable for a minute before he looked to Castiel and nervously asked, "I'd hate to ask you this, and I would understand if you say no but uh.. could I get a picture and autograph, please? My wife loves you." Castiel smiled at the man, "Of course. You've been so great to me." Benny beamed at the compliment and took out his phone to take a selfie. Castiel smiled as they squished their heads together and took the picture quickly. Benny pocketed his phone and continued to look embarrassed. Castiel pulled out a napkin from the takeaway bag that Benny had ordered earlier and signed it. "Here. And tell your wife that its been an honor for you to be my bodyguard." Benny smiled again and gave him a quick hug as they pulled up to the restaurant. "Thank you, Mr. Novak. Its been the job of my life. Your plane leaves after dinner so I just wanted to say that its been great and anytime your in New York, just know you have a home with my family and I." Castiel smiled back and shook his hand. "Thank you, Benny. I'll keep I touch, okay?" Benny nodded without hesitation and slid out to open the door for him. Castiel breathed in and out again as he saw the crowd was already here. Okay, lets do this.

In the restaurant, Jo already had the schedule in front of her ready to discuss. With her was her mother Ellen, who they both invited to join them on the tour. "Okay, so Castiel, after dinner you'll be on a plane to California. There you will be attending the movie awards for which you have been nominated as 'Best actor in a drama'. If you win, go on stage and thank everyone but don't forget to mention your new comedy as well." Castiel nodded and picked at his pasta as he thought of the exhaustions he'll have to go through some more. Jo looked at her mom and shrugged, "Okay! Well have a great trip," she said as she got up quickly. "Wait, you're not going with me?" Jo gave an apologetic look as she tried to smile, "I'm sorry. I thought I had told you my dad was in the hospital and me and my mom need to go see him." Castiel let his mouth fall open, "Uh, yeah. Yeah. You go, Jo. I'll be fine." Jo eyed him curiously, "alright, take care of yourself," she said as she patted him on the shoulder and leaned over to kiss his head, "and call me, Novak!," she added with a smile as her and her mom exited the restaurant. Castiel stood up as well and took the back exit where another car was waiting for him where he was dropped off promptly at the airport and on a flight to California in no time. He felt drowsy when he exited the plane. Man, he hated jet lag. He stretched his legs and looked around the airport looking for someone with his name on a sign. He didn't see one. Only a few police officers. He saw one walk quickly up to him and hold his hand out for him to shake, "Castiel Novak? I'm Dean Winchester and I'll be taking care of you during your trip."


	2. All of the lights

Castiel shook the man's hand graciously and looked into his eyes. He was taken aback by the soft green glow of them, it was striking. He also didn't fail to notice the generous amount of freckles he had. It was like staring into the sun and he was already addicted. He saw the man giving him an odd look as Castiel looked down to see that he was still holding onto his hand. Castiel let go quickly and pocketed his hands, "Uh, I…uh," he stuttered. For the first time in his life, he was at a loss for words. "Long flight?," Dean asked with a slight smile pulling on his lips. Castiel nodded and shrugged. 'I probably look like a famous jackass who thinks he's too good,' he chastised himself. "So, we should get going. I am aware of a large crowd that has already started to form outside the gates but we should beat them if we go the detour and out the back, okay?" Castiel said nothing again and just followed as the man lead the way.

Castiel watched closely as the man talked on his radio about the paparazzi waiting at every exit. He turned suddenly to face him with an apologetic look on his face, "Hey, I am really sorry about this. The news was leaked that you're leaving LAX so I know TMZ and other news sources are out there waiting for you no matter where you go." Castiel stared blankly and braced himself for the mob of cameras that would soon be in his face. "Uh, it's quite alright, Mr. Winchester. I'm used to it and these things happen." Dean nodded and hooked his arm through Castiel's. "For protection," he said cheekily as he winked at him. Castiel gulped as he felt a slight blush creep up his neck. Dean pushed the doors open and made a stoic face as he made his way through the crowd with Castiel on his arm. "Mr. Novak! Mr. Novak! Is it true that you and Balthazar Milton have reconciled?," one reporter shouted. Castiel kept his head down as he wrapped his arm tighter around Dean. They made their way to the black SUV waiting and Dean held his door open as Castiel slid in easily with Dean following. Castiel was still shaking as Dean shut the door. 'No. I'm not going to let this panic attack take over. Not now,' he thought as he tried to control himself. He felt a hand on his forearm and he looked up to meet the gaze of the beautiful man. "Are you okay?," he asked concerned. Castiel let out a shaky breath and nodded once, "Yes. I am." Dean nodded back and gave the driver directions to Castiel's hotel.

As they pulled up, he was relieved to see that there was no leak in where he was staying. Before Dean could open his door for him he was already jumping out and running to the door of the hotel. "Cas! Wait!," he heard Dean yell after him. Castiel turned around, confused, "Cas?" Dean stopped in front of him and rubbed the back of neck nervously, "Uh, yeah. Sorry. I have an annoying habit of giving people nicknames." Castiel shook his head quickly, "No, I like it," he said smiling for the first time in days, "Cas," he added thoughtfully. Dean smiled warmly at him, "Well, I'm glad. Let's get you to your room before anyone else decides to swarm you." Before Castiel could agree, a little boy about 10 years old ran up to him and threw his arms around Castiel's legs. Castiel looked down at the wide eyed boy with the missing teeth smile and wrapped his arms around his back. He bent his knees down to get face to face with him. "Mr. Novak! I love you! I'm like your biggest fan ever!," the boy shouted enthusiastically as he spread his arms for dramatics. Cas smiled and ruffled the boys hair, "Oh yeah? What's your name?" "Tommy!" "Well, Tommy. Where's your mother? I would be honored if you would accompany me to dinner tomorrow night and we can talk all about your favorite movies. How does that sound?" Castiel asked as he looked into the boys excited eyes. He jumped up an down and hugged him tighter, "Yes! Yes! That would be awesome! Mom!," the boy took off behind Castiel. He turned around and saw a woman walking towards him with little Tommy excitedly pulling her arm to make her walk faster. "Mr. Novak, I'm sorry Tommy ambushed you. I'm not sure what has gotten into him. Please accept my apology," the woman quickly spat out nervously. Castiel shook his hand to cut her off, "No, he would never bother me. It's been an absolute pleasure meeting him and I was wondering if you and your family would like to accompany me to dinner tomorrow night." The woman's eyes grew wide and she nodded while taking his hand. "Of course! Tommy will be so happy. He watches everything you do. I'm Jody Mills by the way." "It's been a real pleasure. Do you mind exchanging emails so we can set something up?" Jody already pulled out her phone and was tapping away as Castiel gave her his personal email address. After emails were exchanged, he shook her hand once more and gave Tommy a hug, promising an evening with him for the following night. When Tommy and Jody walked away Castiel turned to Dean who was watching him with a big grin on his face. 'He looks even better when he's happy,' he thought. "That was really nice of you," Dean said as he held the front door open for him. Castiel shrugged uninterested, "It's just something I like to do when I have the time. I love to connect with people. It really helps me remember why I first started acting." Dean nodded and presses the elevator open for him, once they were inside Dean cleared his throat and said, "You still have four hours until you have to leave for the movie awards. I'll be right out your door if you need anything." The doors glided open on Castiel's floor and he smiled at Dean and patted him on the shoulder, "Thank you," he said sincerely.

Once inside the safety of his own room, Castiel let himself fall apart. He let himself get overwhelmed with his life. He let himself break down and feel what he had been denying himself. He sat on the floor by the bed and sank his head in his hands as he rocked back and forth. When he came back through, he looked at the time seeing that it had only been two hours. He wiped his eyes dry and slowly stood up feeling all the pain from laying on the floor hit him. He groaned to himself as he looked around the nice size room. It was spacious and came equipped with a kitchen and big plasma television. He looked to his left and notice French doors leading to a balcony. Usually, he doesn't get rooms with balconies for some reason. He opened them slowly and stepped out onto it. The sun was starting to set in the sky as he leaned his elbows on the concrete railing. Then, he looked down. 'Wow. This is really high up,' he thought. Suddenly he remembered that he was on the eighth floor. Curiously, he leaned further over the railing. The concrete was thick enough to where he could stand on it if he had the desire to. Then, he thought about it. That dark desire rose up his chest almost consuming him. The thought of doing it. Of jumping and ending it all. Before he could think any longer, there was a sudden knock on the door, kicking his dark thoughts out of mind. "Come in!," he yells as he runs a hand through his hair. The officer, Dean, stepped slowly inside. "Sir, I was just informed that you need to be ready to go in fifteen minutes. Your segment on the award show has been pushed ahead of schedule." Castiel nodded and waved his arm, "Alright. Thank you, Dean." "Of course," Dean replied curtly as he left the room. Castiel rolled his eyes and sat on the edge of his bed. 'Might as well give them one last show,' he thought as he got up to get ready.

Dean and Castiel rode in silence to the show, both staring out the window as the car drove on. Cas heard him clear his throat and he turned to face the an seated beside him, "Uh, good luck tonight. I'm sure you'll win," he smiled anxiously. Castiel could feel that familiar blush creep back up his neck, "Thank you, Dean. Although, I do doubt it." Dean reached over and gripped Castiel's tie with both hands and looked into his face for permission. Castiel swallowed nervously and nodded slightly as Dean proceeded to fix his crooked tie for him. "Don't doubt yourself, okay?," Dean whispered. Castiel couldn't respond and was only focused on the full pink lips before him. He licked his lips and looked back to Dean who was giving him a lustful look back when the car suddenly came to a stop. Dean immediately separated himself and hopped out to open Castiel's door. Castiel mentally braced himself as he was met with the flashing lights and cameras with Dean by his side again, leading the way. "Castiel Novak! Do you mind chatting with E! News before the show?," a pretty blonde reporter called to him. He put on his best show smile as he walked smoothly up to her. "Of course. I always have time," he said with a smile. "Great! Did you bring a date tonight?," she asked as she held the microphone up to him. "No. No dates," he said flatly. The woman nodded and smiled. "How do you feel about presenting tonight with your ex, Balthazar Milton?" Castiel felt his face drop as he looked around nervously. Dean saw his look and cut in, holding a hand up to the camera. "No more questions," he said deeply as he pushed Castiel gently in front of him. Castiel could feel his nerves rising up. He let his guard down and now everyone was sure to see his true self. He felt a hand at the small of his back and he looked over to see Dean giving him a reassuring smile as they finally made their way into the building.

Cas wasted no time in getting Jo on the phone. "Castiel! Aren't you supposed to be going on in a minute?," she asked confused. "Jo, I want to know why the hell I am presenting with Balthazar tonight," he replied angrily. "You're what? I haven't received any emails about the change. I swear, Castiel. I would have called you immediately," Jo said apologetically. Castiel ran another hand through his hair as someone from production tapped his shoulder informing him he went on in less than five. "Okay, I'm sorry, Jo. I should've known better. I have to go now," he said as he hung up before she could reply. Castiel let out another shaky breath as he walked up to the outside of the stage where Balthazar was already standing. "Ah, Castiel. I thought you had skipped out on another show," he said in the British accent that he had come to hate. Castiel rolled his eyes, "Yes, Balthazar. I am here. Although, they never warned me that I would be stuck with you," he said with a scowl. "Oh, don't be like that, love. Its all for show. The people love us together. Now, how about you do me a favor and stop whining and just stand there and look pretty for the cameras, okay?" Castiel bunched his fists up at his side and bit the inside of his lip from saying anything else. He heard the host announcing them to the stage and he put on his fake face again.

Castiel and Balthazar stood at a podium in front of thousands announcing 'Best female lead in an action film.' "Now, as we announce these beautiful women, it does make me feel jealous for only being attracted to this beautiful woman," Balthazar stated as the crowd laughed. Castiel tried his best to not roll his eyes and decided to stand there. "Come on, ladies, does it pain you to know that the best looking men in Hollywood only have eyes for each other?," Balthazar joked again as he wrapped an arm around Castiel's shoulder. He could feel Balthazar's eyes on him as he stiffened up. Balthazar must have decides that he needed a bigger reaction from the crowd and spun Castiel over and dipped him low, planting a loud wet kiss on his lips. Castiel felt the tears prick at his eyes as the crowd roared. He continued to say nothing as the winning actress came up to accept her award. He offered her a quick hug and kiss on the cheek and quickly exited the stage. "What the hell was that?!," Castiel yelled as he pushed Balthazar into a wall. "Castiel. Baby. You know this is all for publicity. Don't take it too seriously" he said with am amused smile. "So you decide to fucking assault me on stage?!," Castiel yelled with fire in his eyes. Dean saw the confrontation and pulled Castiel swiftly off of him. "Cas, you're okay," Dean whispered. "Home. Take me home. Please, Dean," he pleaded as he gripped his uniform tightly. Dean nodded and held Cas under his arm as they made their way back to the waiting vehicle.

Castiel was still shaken as he sat on the bed in his room. He removed his jacket and tie and tossed them onto the floor. He let his usual tears escape but felt the darkness in his chest rise up faster and faster until he found himself on the balcony once more. He looked down to the drop and carefully climbed onto the thick, concrete railing. He stood up and felt the way the night breeze whisked through his white dress shirt. He couldn't do this anymore. He knew in his heart this was the only way out. Castiel slowly took a step into the open night but was caught off guard as a strong hand had grabbed his before he could make his fall. "Cas! Cas! Don't do this! I need you to help me help you back up?," Dean had cried. Cas looked back down to the road below him and back into the terrified green eyes. "I can't! No one sees me, Dean! I can't do it anymore!," he cried back. "I see you! I see you, Cas! I can see the real you!," Dean choked out. Castiel looked into his eyes and felt all the darkness wash away in an instant. He let Dean pull him back up over the balcony and wrap his arms around his shoulders so he was staring back at him and whispered, "I see you."


	3. I'll be your light

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short little filler chapter! Reviews are always welcome :)

Castiel let Dean hold him in his arms and he let himself feel like he never has before. "I feel like I'm suffocating in the middle of the street and no one can see my dying," Cas chokes out as he clutched onto Dean's arm and continued, "No one can see me, Dean. They see what they want to see and I don't even remember who I am!" Dean rubbed the top of his head as he tried to calm him. Cas let the beautiful officer hold him as the night went on.

Castiel wakes up in a dreary haze and can already feel the days headache coming on. He doesn't remember how he got into bed or when he did. All he can think about is the man who saved him. He sat up a little more and looked to his left to see a bottle of aspirin and a glass of water was waiting for him on the nightstand. He smiled gently to himself and took them. Cas stood up and stretched his back as he turned on the television to watch the morning news and dropped his glass of water, shattering it on the hardwood floor as he saw the headline on every station. He turned up the volume as he sat numbly back on his bed. "Castiel Novak, award winning actor, was caught on camera dangling from an eighth floor balcony. He appears to be pulled back up by a police officer who we believe is working security for Mr. Novak. Was this an accidental drunken fall or was it a suicide attempt? You be the judge of that as we show you the footage from last night," a middle aged woman with bleach blonde hair was announcing. The television cut to the footage of Cas hanging over the railing and looking from Dean to the floor. Without another thought, he cut the television off and ran a frustrated hand through his bed head hair. Before he could think any longer his phone cut through the air in a shrill ring. "Hello?," he answered wearily without checking the caller ID. "Castiel Novak, what the hell were you thinking? Do you really need to get black out drunk after every award show, mister?," his mothers voice chastised him through the other line. Cas bit his lip and decided to tell his mom the truth, "Actually, I wasn't drunk. It was intentional and I am sorry that you had to find out that way," he spoke calmly and evenly. His mother scoffed and he could imagine her shaking her head, "Okay, Castiel. I'll pretend I didn't just hear that. I thought we took care of that little depression problem last year." Cas formed his mouth in a tight line and felt like throwing his phone across the room. He calmed himself with a couple more deeps breaths and replied, "No. Depression doesn't work like that. Its not just something that can go away because it inconveniences your life." "Yeah, well, whatever it is needs to be fixed before your promotion tour. Now I need to get your publicist, Ruby, to fix your mistakes." Cas hung up the phone before he could hear another word.

Cas looked in the mirror one last time before heading out. He had on a baseball cap and sunglasses. It was a cliché disguise but he figured he could pass since he was in California. He couldn't hole himself up forever and it would just make him feel even worse. No, what he needed was some sunlight and a nice salad. He cautiously opened his door and looked down the hallway where he was greeted by Dean. "You're still here?," he asked confused. Dean had his arms crossed and unfolded them when he saw Cas's face and gave a small nod. "Of course. I wanted to make sure you were feeling alright. Did you take the aspirin?" Cas smiled widely for the second time in weeks. And again, Dean Winchester put that smile there. "I did. Would you mind going to lunch with me? I don't want to be cooped up in this room all day." Dean smiled widely back at him and nodded quickly, "I'd like that." Cas stared adoringly at his savior feeling glad that he had sunglasses on, "Let's go then."

Cas went the drive and walk in the restaurant completely unnoticed and he had never felt more relieved. They sat a small table in the back of the room where Castiel took his cap off but left his sunglasses on in case anyone so happened to notice his eyes. Those would give him away quickly. He ran his hands through his hair disheveled from the cap and tried his best to somewhat fix it but failed miserably. Dean chuckled from across him and Cas noticed the little crinkles that appeared by his eyes when he did so. It was very endearing. "So, I suppose you saw the news?," Cas asked quietly after a minute although he already knew the answer. Dean nodded and took a sip of the coke that he had ordered. "Uh, thank you for that by the way. I never got the chance to ever thank you," he said sincerely. He watched as the officer shrugged nonchalantly and said, "I would have done it for anybody." Cas stared at the mans hard and stoic features hoping that he could see a hint of emotion but instead found none. "On that balcony, you kept saying that you saw me," Cas started to say as Dean listened and he saw an emotion that he couldn't quite place shift on his face, "So, tell me what it is you see," he added. Dean looked like he was debating internally with himself before saying, "I see somebody who's in a bad situation. I see somebody that doesn't know a way out and is scared. I see you." Cas shook his head disbelieving, "Why did you help me?" Dean shrugged once more as he played with the straw in his cup, "You don't need a reason to help people."

Cas placed his cap back on his head as he adjusted it just right as they exited the restaurant together. It wasn't long until someone noticed him and in no time there was a crowd surrounding them with amateur paparazzi's following him to the car. "Castiel! Is it true that you tried to jump?!," one of them yelled at him. Cas ignored the question as he walked with his head down. "Is this the officer that pulled you back up?! Are you and him an item now?," another one yelled at Dean this time. "That's enough questions!," Dean snapped as he held his arm out to give Cas more room. "Castiel! Why did you try to kill yourself?," the same photographer from before yelled. Dean turned around swiftly and pushed the man to the ground as other onlookers took out their cell phones to record the altercation. Cas tried to pull on Dean's arm to get him out of the situation but he wouldn't budge and stayed looming over the photographer. "Dean!," he yelled to get his attention. More photos were snapped as someone in the crowd shouted, "Your name is Dean?!" Castiel and Dean both ignored them as Cas finally succeeded in pulling Dean into the waiting car. Once inside Cas turned to him and grabbed his shoulder. Dean was glaring out the window with his arms crossed as he turned to look at Cas. "What's wrong with you? Isn't this in the description of your job duties? I thought you were aware that you had to deal with the media when you were with me." Dean rolled his eyes to the ceiling and let out a steady breath while he looked into his ocean blue eyes that seemed to calm him in this tense situation. "Look, I'm sorry. I know I was out of line and unprofessional but I cant allow those people to bully you. It's my job to protect you and I am aware that I may have taken it too far but I'm not going to let those douchebags take advantage of you like that!," he growled. Castiel felt something in his chest swell up as he saw the sincerity in both Dean's eyes and words. "You're very sweet, Dean. But I do believe that I can handle myself." "Then why were you on that balcony?," he asked with wide, protective eyes. "Call it a cry for help," he said disinterested, "but no one was listening," he added quietly and sadly. Dean grabbed his hand and looked genuinely at him. So genuinely that Cas could feel him coming undone in front of this stranger that he has only known for twenty four or so hours. "I'm listening," he whispered and that was all it took for Cas to let his walls crumble around him.

"Tell me about your family," Dean probed as him and Castiel ate room service dessert on the floor of his hotel room. "Well, I have a mom and brother. That's it," Cas said as he took a small bite of chocolate cake. "And?," Dean pushed. Cas looked at him with a slight smile, "And what?" "Tell me about them. I'm interested," he said smiling back. "My brother, his name is Gabriel and he's actually really great. He owns a bakery in Las Vegas and gets tons of business. He was my rock growing up and he always told me that if I wasn't happy with this whole acting thing that I had options. I could back out whenever I wanted but my mom," Castiel paused and looked back down at his dessert and began to pick at it before he continued, "my mom had different ideas. See, we grew up in poverty. We were constantly being evicted from our residences and we were just back and forth. It wasn't a way that a kid should live. I happened to find my solace with it all through acting. I loved pretending to be a different person, with a different life. My mom noticed how good I seemed to be and she figured it was her key out of our lives. She started dragging me to auditions all over the country where I would never even land one. Then, she started selling our stuff to finance the trips. The television, the washer and dryer, things like that. Then when I was seven, I auditioned for Barney, my mom seemed to really be on her last leg of giving up and I just didn't want to disappoint her. Can you imagine that type of pressure on a kid?," he asked rhetorically as he sighed placing his plate down beside him. "Anyways, I went in there with such confidence and I nailed it. I got the part and everything just sky rocketed from there. I was in T.V shows, movies, music videos, really anything that involved a camera. I got sucked into it and suddenly I felt trapped. I felt that it wasn't my place anymore but it was too late. My mother was too used to her lavish lifestyle that this type of exploiting seemed to offer and she told me there was no way I was getting out. Its been extremely hard since. I have to fake this personality for the cameras and go home and be someone else entirely. I lost myself along the way ," he shrugged sadly. Dean touched his leg gently and gazed into his sad, lonely eyes. "Sometimes we forget who we really are but I learned that its not the destination that matters but the journey along the way. You know, Cas, the minute I stopped caring about what people think and started doing what I wanted is the minute that I felt truly free. Maybe its time to let go," Dean offered. Cas looked to the ground and back into his reassuring eyes, "Yeah. Maybe."


	4. We made you

Castiel along with Dean sat at a back table in a busy Italian restaurant as they waited for Tommy and his family to show up. The media was still crowded outside as they continued to shout assumptions and rumors at him as they recorded and took photos of him. It did bother him but this was all just routine. That it would die off in a few days when they found a better story. "You look nervous," Dean said quietly.

"What?," Cas asked not understanding him. Dean shrugged and picked at an unopen sugar packet left on the table. "I mean, ever since, you know," he gestured with his hands," what happened. You've been different."

Cas looked down at his own hands, wanting to avoid what Dean was saying. "I know I'm out of line. I'm just worried about you," Dean sighed. Cas continued to look down and audibly sighed but before he could make a comment of his own, Ruby, his publicist, along with Tommy and his mom were making their way to his table.

He stood up abruptly and shook hands with the woman, Jody, and gave Tommy a light hug. He continued standing as they took their seats next to Dean and looked to Ruby. "Ruby. I wasn't aware you were in town," he said quietly in disdain.

Ruby scoffed and took a seat across from Castiel's, "Of course I'm here, Novak. Someone needs to keep you in line and fix your messes." Cas pursed his lips as he straightened his tie and took his seat. Tonight was not about her or his mother. It was about Tommy. He looked over to Dean and saw the concern etched on his face. He smiled back reassuringly and turned to Tommy who was seated next to him. "So, Tommy, what is your favorite movie?," Cas asked interested as he looked in his eyes to let him know he had his full attention.

After three courses of food and lots of laughs, Cas couldn't feel better. He felt like he was on cloud nine right at this moment. "Jody, you have such a wonderful son," Castiel said sincerely as he smiled.

Jody blushed and smiled brightly at her son and Cas, "I cant thank you enough for this evening. Tommy's been so excited and I know he'll always remember this night." Cas nodded with his grin still on his face. He peeked a glance at Dean who was beaming at their interaction. Cas felt a blush crawl up his neck and spread to his cheeks. Dean watches and gave him a cheeky wink. Castiel looked down at his empty plates and over to Ruby who was looking at him with a raised eyebrow and her arms across her chest. He tried to ignore her as he went back to his conversation but he could still feel the uneasy glare she was surely giving him.

Cas stood up after the bill was paid and gave Tommy one last hug before making his way outside into the cool Summer breeze. Dean stood next to him and opened his door up for him waiting for him to get in. As he put his foot in the door he felt a hand on his forearm pull him back and he turned around to meet dark, hard eyes. "We need to talk, Castiel," she said coldly. Dean felt the tension forming and stepped between them. Cas gave him sad eyes as he placed his hand on his shoulder and nodded slightly, "its okay, Dean. Wait in the car." Dean stepped back and looked between them again before pursing his lips and ducking into the car, closing the door behind him.

"Is he your pet now?," Ruby asked as she rolled her eyes. Cas gave her an annoyed stare and dodged the question, "What is it, Ruby?"

"I'm worried about you. And I know you've been avoiding Jo's calls. We need to talk about what happened among other things," she said as she gave him a fake sincere smile.

It was Cas's turn to roll his eyes, "What happened, happened. I'm not talking about it. The media will be fine, Ruby. It'll all blow over in a couple of days." He turned his attention back to the car where Dean waited and gave a slight smile forgetting where he was. He turned back to Ruby who was now giving him a stern look as she tapped her foot menacingly on the sidewalk. "What?," he asked in genuine confusion.

"You know what," she spit out harshly before continuing. "This," she said gesturing with her fingers between him and the car where Dean was, "is not happening. I'm not letting you go down the path and you know if you cross me, it will be the biggest mistake you will ever make. I made you, Castiel. You are the guy that everyone wants. Women want to be with you and men want to be you and also with you. Don't screw up that image for some little fling that we all know won't work out. Then that will be all over the papers, too."

Castiel looked at her with his own eyebrow raised and scoffed, "are you done?," he asked rhetorically as he started to pull the cars door handle open, signaling the end of the conversation.

Ruby looked around frantically before loudly saying, "Well, if you don't avoid it for your image, do it for his. I will destroy him, Castiel. I will make sure he is blacklisted from any job you can think of."

Cas stopped abruptly and turned his head slowly to look at her, "You can go to hell." And with that he jumped in the car and left her on the sidewalk.

"What was that all about?," Dean asked curiously. Cas shrugged and waved his hand, "nothing of importance. Just media talk to clear my name." Dean nodded slowly and have him a soft smile. He immediately felt horrible for lying to Dean but he couldn't know the truth. Not yet.

They pulled up to the hotel and Cas sighed as he ran a hand through his hair. "What?," Dean asked sincerely. Cas shook his head and let out a bitter laugh. "Nothing. Its just, I don't really want to be here right now. I want to be somewhere no one knows my name. I know it sounds stupid." Dean looked like he was in thought for a moment before brightening his face and saying, "Let me take you somewhere."

Cas threw his head back and laughed as he stuck his hand out the window letting all the air from the outside rush between his fingers. He was already starting to feel free. "So, where are we going exactly?," he asked as he smoothed out his 'Beach Boys' shirt that he hastily threw on when Dean asked him to change out of a suit.

Dean laughed along with him and shook his head in secret, "I told you. Somewhere no one knows who you are." Castiel smiled at him and looked around the patrol car they were riding in. He looked in the glove box and found a pair of handcuffs. He held them in his hands and looked curiously over them. They were a lot heavier than they looked and cold. He saw Dean in the corner of his eye lick his lips as he looked at Castiel. He held them up in playfulness and asked, "You planning on using these on me later?"

Dean blushed then regained his composure and replied, "Only if you're a bad boy." Castiel blushed and put the handcuffs back in the glove box and looked at Dean who gave him a quick wink before turning his eyes back onto the road. After a minute of silence, Dean asked, "So, do you like ice cream?"

Cas nodded and smiled, "I do. But don't you think we've had enough to eat for the day?" He patted his full belly for emphasis on his statement.

Dean laughed and shrugged, "True but ice cream is just empty calories. It wont hurt." Cas smiled in agreement as he nodded his head welcoming Dean's suggestion.

A few moments later, Dean pulled up at a small ice cream parlor that looked like it was in the middle of nowhere. "Are we eating here?," Cas asked confused. Dean shook his head and smiled, "Nah. To go. Just tell me what you like and I'll head in there so you wont get ambushed again." Cas smiled warmly before answering, "vanilla."

15 more minutes and a lot of licking the side of the cones to prevent dripping later, Dean pulled to a stop on the side of the road. Cas looked around and furrowed his brow, "were at LAX?" Dean nodded and took his cone out of Cas's hand before swiftly getting out. Cas followed him out still not understanding why they were there. He watched as Dean slid up on the hood and sat up licking his ice cream. Dean looked over at him and patted the spot next to him as an invitation for Cas to sit down. He did so and shrugged as he also began to eat his ice cream.

"Sometimes, I like to come out here. I feel like it's the quietest place in L.A except of course when the planes fly over but that's my favorite part. You never know who's on board and where their going. You know, what their story is," he said longingly as he looked up at the quiet night sky.

Cas smiled to himself and agreed, "That's actually really beautiful." Dean smirked and rubbed his hand on the back of his neck. Cas stared at him and suddenly wanted to hear more of what this man had to say. "Tell me about yourself," he spoke confidently. "What?," the officer asked, confused. Cas nodded and gave his own smirk, "Yeah. I mean I've been pretty selfish only talking about myself. I want to know more about you."

Dean took another swipe with his tongue on his ice cream and sighed. "There's really not much to know. I'm a cop. I'm 30 now so I've been one for about seven years now. My dads a cop and my uncle Bobby but he's retired now. My dad is currently chief of police and he's really been fighting for me to become Sargent or something," he shook his head lost in thought for a moment before continuing, "I also have a little brother, Sammy, he is a really great kid. He goes to Stanford here and were pretty close. Then, you have my mom. She's as sweet as can be. Just the real definition of a mom. She's supportive, loving and non judgmental. And she can make a kick ass pie." He laughed to himself and looked back at Cas, "That's enough about me."

Cas saw the ice cream on Dean's cone began to melt and drop onto his fingers. Gently, he picked his sticky hand up and licked the melted chocolate of sensually. Dean stared at him with wide eyes and gulped. Cas did his own wink as he took another finger in his mouth, sucking lightly. "Cas," Dean sighed as he threw head back. Before Cas could do any more, a large plane flew directly above them, the sound nearly deafening. They watched in awe as he took off, going higher and higher into the night sky. Then, they glanced at each other and began laughing as soon as they could hear the world around them once more.

Cas threw his ice cream to the ground next to them and took Deans hand in his, "Nothing is going to make me feel this real. So please don't go home. I don't want to spend tonight alone," he said. All Dean could do was nod vigorously in agreement and take Cas in his arms.


	5. Who I am

Cas let Dean kiss him gently, their lips barley touching as if playing some kind of game with one another until the other gave in. Cas ended up being the one to crack first. He swiftly grabbed the side of Dean's face and in one move brought their lips crashing together. Dean moaned as Cas's tongue licked his lips in permission to enter. He promptly allowed him and their tongues danced in a fight for dominance. Dean won out over him and Cas happily submitted to him as Dean dipped him lower onto the hood of the car where he straddled him. Cas held onto Dean's hips and rubbed slow sensual circles on them. Dean groaned into Cas's mouth and bucked hard into his growing erection.

Dean eyes flew open as he realized what he was doing and he quickly jumped off of Cas. "I-I'm so sorry," he breathed out huskily as he ran an embarrassed hand over his tired face.

Cas sat up and stared at Dean confused as he tilted his head to the side trying to decipher his actions. "For what? Making out on the hood of a car like a couple of teenagers?," Cas asked smiling mischievously now.

Dean blushed and swiped at the back of his neck with his sweaty palms and gave a slight shrug not wanting to make eye contact with him. Cas got off the car slowly and walked over to where Dean was standing, "tell me what's wrong. Please, Dean."

Dean shifted uncomfortably before he sighed, "this, Cas. This is wrong." He looked up at him with sad, green eyes. His bottom lip was quivering and he looked so conflicted. Cas braced himself for what was surely to be a rejection because of who he is and what the media does to people like him when they find out. He watched on as Dean bit his lip to stop it from moving and continued, "I got assigned this duty to protect you. You know, security purposes. I'm breaking an oath by mixing business with pleasure but its so damn hard to not want you. I-I feel all these different emotions towards you and that's never happened to me before. I know what my brain is telling me to do. Its telling me to take you back to the hotel, call for backup and tell my father that someone else needs to be assigned this job and then I need to walk far, far away."

He looked at Castiel with wide and afraid eyes before closing the distance between them and intertwining their fingers between their bodies. He gently rested his forehead along Cas's and said, "But my heart. Its telling me that this is real. That I should follow you to the ends of the earth and never let you out of my site. That we should be together and not give a shit what anyone thinks of us. That's what my heart is screaming at me now."

Cas tilted his head back and stared into Dean's eyes. He felt his heart pounding a mile a minute and nodded slowly. He was about to suggest that they just run away from it all where they could be together in peace but before he opened his mouth to reply another airplane caught them by surprise as it drifted off into the night sky.

Dean laughed and watched along with Cas as it disappeared in the distance. "I keep forgetting were at an airport," Dean casually said. Cas nodded and smiled warmly at this man who made him feel so different and free. He felt so…so alive.

Dean let go of Cas's hands and nodded his head suggestively towards the car, "How about I get you back?" Cas smiled and made his way to passenger side but Dean beat him to it. He swiftly opened the door for the other man while Cas gave a confused look. "You do know that you don't have to keep doing that, right?"

Dean shrugged and gave him a wide toothy grin, "I know I don't have to but I want to, Cas." Cas slowly got in the seat and watched as Dean waited until he was in comfortably before shutting the door. The officer jogged around the front of the car and got in as well. "Ready?," he asked with a wink and pulled off into the night.

On the drive back to the hotel, Cas found himself feeling a million times better. His earlier conversation with Ruby was now far from his mind and the beautiful officer with the striking eyes was the one to replace it. Dean reached over and turned the radio up and it blared out the beginning chords of Journeys 'Don't stop believing'. Cas groaned loudly as Dean was already singing the instrumental part. He looked over to Cas and smiled widely at his disdain, "Don't tell me you're not a fan!"

Cas rolled his eyes but smiled back just as wide, "No. Of course I love this song. Its only the number one song to sing in karaoke bars." Dean laughed and gripped Cas's hand in his, "Well, lets do a duet together. No audience. Just you and me."

Cas threw his head back laughing at Dean's suggestion but saw the sincere look on his face. He stopped laughing and smiled like a school boy, nodding, "Lets do it."

Dean let out his own burst of excitement as he turned the radio up higher and sang, "Just a small town girl, living in a lonely world. She took the midnight train going anywhereeee." He pointed at Cas for his turn.

Cas couldn't stop smiling as he sang his own little solo, "just a city boy, born and raised in south Detroit. He took the midnight train going anywhereeeee." He watched as Dean threw his own head back with laughter as he drove. Cas noticed the way his eyes crinkled and his nose scrunched up. He couldn't help thinking how adorable he looked in that moment.

Dean looked at him and winked as he continued his part, "I singer in a smoky room." Cas finished his sentence as he sang, "A smell of wine and cheap perfume." And together they sang in perfect unison, "For a smile they can share the night. It goes on and on and on and on."

Dean tapped the steering wheel along to the beat and sang out, "Strangers waiting. Up and down the Boulevard. Their shadows searching in the night." Cas picked up where he left off, "Streetlights. People. Living just to find emotion. Hiding somewhere in the night."

Dean continued while smiling and staring into Cas's eyes, "Working hard to get my fill. Everybody wants a thrill. Paying anything to roll the dice, just one more time." Cas stared back feeling care free as he stuck his hand out the window and cried out, "Some will win, some will lose. Some were born to sing the blues. Oh, the movie never ends it goes on and on and on and on."

Dean grabbed Cas's free hand once more as he laughed again. Together they sang the rest of the song in perfect harmony, "Strangers waiting. Up and down the Boulevard. Their shadows searching in the night. Streetlights people. Living just to find emotion. Hiding somewhere in the nightttttttt."

They laughed and sang like maniacs until the song faded out. Cas wiped a tear from the side of his eye that had came out involuntarily. He looked over to Dean who had his own goofy grin on his face. "I haven't laughed in so long. Let alone have I come to tears because of it. Thank you, Dean. Right now I'm feel like the weight of the world has come off my shoulders. For the first time in my life, I feel like I'm actually living!," Cas said loudly with excitement.

Dean shrugged slightly and looked over to Cas who looked like he had just won the lottery. He had an overwhelming and genuine smile on his face. Not a magazine or talk show smile. A real and true one. Cas let out a disappointed sigh as he saw the hotel come into view. Dean noticed his mood change and touched his knee lightly to let him know he was still there with him. Cas smiled warmly but not as genuine as before. He got out of the car when it came to a stop in front of the sidewalk and waited for Dean to get out as well. Dean sauntered over slowly to him and kissed the top of his forehead lightly.

"If there's anything that song should teach you, its obviously to don't stop believing, okay? So if you always want to feel that free and real then its your choice. This is your life, Cas. No one else's. Take charge of it if that's what you have to do but this feeling that you have right now? That's the feeling you should always have. You owe yourself that."

Cas nodded and let his words sink in knowing he was right. Before he could reply a disruptive cough was made near him. He rolled his eyes and turned , coming face to face with his waiting and angry mother. "Castiel, nice to know what you've been doing this entire time," she said in annoyance as she looked Dean up and down. "And you are?," she asked in distaste. Cas had the feeling that she already knew though.

"Mother. Now is not the time," Cas replied softly as he looked to the ground avoiding her piercing stare. He felt his shoulders slump and felt like he had the air kicked out of him.

"No, Castiel. I think now is the perfect time," she pointed an accusatory finger at Dean and stepped toward him menacingly, "You. Stay away from him. He doesn't need his reputation being even more trashed."

Cas stood in the middle of them before Dean could get a word in, "You know what? No! You're not in charge of my life anymore. I am thirty fucking one years old. You made your money off of me now leave. I'm dome with this life. I don't want it!"

His mother, Anna, pursed her lips and grabbed his forearm swiftly and yelled, "When, Castiel? When did you ever tell me that you didn't want this?!"

Cas felt himself snap as he pushed his mothers hand off of him and yelled back, "When I was on that balcony!" He saw the way the anger quickly left her eyes. "Or are you forgetting all the times I was in and out of rehab as a fucking teenager. That was my cry for help! If Dean wasn't there that night I would be dead and you would be even richer," he watched as his mom tried to scramble for words but she ultimately said nothing. He scoffed and looked at her in disgust, "But something tells me that's what you want. Well you know what? I'm done with this life and I'm done with you. Enjoy Hollywood, Anna." And without another look back, he walked quickly into the double doors of his hotel feeling hopeful about his new life.


	6. Fully alive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, not the usual schedule for posting but its been a pretty busy week for me. I promise more updates every other night. Please read and review! xxxx

Castiel woke up the next morning with a clear mind and ideas on how he was going to live his life from now on. He looked over to Dean who was sleeping soundly. The morning light pouring in through the windows revealed the beautiful freckles that covered his face. His pink and full lips were formed in a pout with his hand under his cheek. Cas smiled to himself and grabbed his iPhone from the bedside table. He quickly snapped a picture of Dean sleeping but forgot to turn his flash off. He tossed his phone under his pillow and watched as Dean stirred, waking up.

He looked up at Cas who was smiling down at him. "Are you just going to stare or are you going to kiss me?," Dean asked sheepishly. Cas smiled and leaned down to swiftly place his lips on Deans. He let Dean pull him further down into the mattress and move his mouth in rhythm with his. They continued for a few more minutes. It wasn't rushed or heated. Cas thought it was more of a 'I need you' kiss. Dean gently pushed his chest and Cas chuckled softly as he sat up.

Dean sat up as well and wrapped his arm around Cas's shoulders, "How are you feeling?" Cas rubbed his face and smiled brightly, "I'm feeling great actually. Better than I ever have. I feel like I want to do something crazy, Dean."

Dean smiled widely back at him and ran a hand through his still perfect hair. "Well, Cas. Today is the day you start living." And with that he jumped off the bed and took Cas's hand, rushing him to get ready for what he had in store.

xXx

Cas looked to Dean in confusion as they stood in front of a small airplane. "What is this, Dean?," he asked curiously. Dean let out a shaky breath and ran another nervous hand through his hair.

"Well, I figured since you faced your fears yesterday with you know your mom and all, that you could help me face mine," he said as he shrugged his shoulders. Cas shook his head disbelievingly and looked from the aircraft to Dean's pale face.

"So, you're scared of what exactly? Airplanes? Flying? Heights? Jumping out of an airplane?," Cas playfully probed him. Dean started to pace and stuck his hands deep in his blue jeans.

"All of them, okay? I am terrified of all those things. Look, we're humans. We have feet. We're not meant to be in the air." Cas started laughing as Deans eyes became more and more wide as he continued his rant. Dean stopped in front of him and squinted his eyes. "Don't laugh! I think it's a good idea. Well, I want it to be a good idea. Besides, my friend is an instructor here and has been begging me to come try it."

Cas stopped laughing and touched his chest lightly and sarcastically said, "Oh, Dean, I'm your first? If I would've known I would have asked you to the prom." Deans lips twitched and he let himself laugh along with Cas.

"You are such a dick," he said as he smiled at him. Before Cas could banter back with him, a petite red head in a suit made for sky diving was making her way over. "Dean! I am so glad you called! You're going to love this. Who's your friend?," she asked as she looked Castiel up and down curiously and gave Dean a thumbs up signal when Cas turned his head.

Dean rolled his eyes and grabbed Cas by the hand pulling him in closer, "Charlie, this is Cas. Cas, this is Charlie." Cas held his hand out for Charlie to shake but instead was met with her pulling him in for a tight hug.

"Any friend of Dean's, is a friend of mine. I can already tell we'll be best friends," she said affectionately as she pulled away. Cas smiled and felt his heart swell up with joy as he made this new friend. 'Friend,' he thought as he smiled to himself. 'I haven't had one of those in years.'

Charlie looked back and forth between the two and clapped her hands, "Alright. You guys ready to rock this bitch?" Cas nodded and Dean laughed as they followed Charlie into a room to watch a safety video and learn all the precautions to skydiving.

Charlie finished giving them practice techniques and landing techniques twenty minutes later. "Now," she started as a dark haired woman walked in the room also suited up, "forget everything I just said because you guys will be tandem jumping today. Its your first time so each of you will be strapped to us."

Cas looked up to the new woman and smiled, giving a little wave. Dean smiled also and leaned in to hug her, "Hey, Dorothy. I don't think you're in Kansas anymore." The woman known as, Dorothy, rolled her eyes and pushed Dean off her, "Nice to see you too, Dean. I can't wait to throw you out of a plane." Dean laughed and shook his head as he pulled Cas in closer.

"Cas, this is Dorothy Baum, Charlie's girlfriend and certified skydiving instructor," Dean introduced them. Cas shook her hand and smiled. "So, let's get started. Shall we?," Dorothy asked looking around the room. She then pulled out two skydiving suits and tossed them at Cas and Dean. "Just put them on over your clothes," she said waving a hand and stepping out of the room with Charlie following.

Cas and Dean quickly put the suits on and stepped outside into the afternoon breeze. Dean whistled lowly and looked Cas up and down slowly. "Damn. You really can pull anything off," he said with a wink before jogging to catch up to Charlie. Cas blushed and walked side by side with Dorothy.

"Are you nervous?," she asked looking him over. Cas shook his head and looked back to her, "Not as much as I should be surprisingly." Dorothy nodded, watching Charlie and Dean in the distance. She stopped and turned to face Cas, "He's a good man. I want you to know that. He feels as if he can save the world so maybe that's why he's trying to save you."

Cas furrowed his brow, "I'm not sure what you mean." Dorothy chuckled and shook her head slowly, "I mean, he can get caught up in trying to change people. He sees the good in people. But maybe all he needs to do is change one person because that can be like changing the world."

Cas nodded, "I understand. But he's already changed my life. My world has been flipped upside down since I met him." Dorothy smiled softly and patted Castiel on the back as they began walking to catch up, "Then that's all that matters."

xXx

Deans leg shook up and down nervously as the plane go closer and closer to their jumping destination. Cas rested his hand on Deans thigh and smiled at him reassuringly. "You can do this, Dean!," he shouted over the planes engine. Dean smiled but said nothing, looking like he was going to be sick with each passing second.

Charlie jumped out of her seat and motioned for Dean to follow. "Okay! I will have Dean jump with me and Dorothy has Cas!," she announced as she hooked Dean up to her in a baby bjorn type carrier. Dean shook his head and held onto Cas.

"I can't do it!," he shouted. Cas grabbed his face and gave him a kiss that made him feel like his heart would explode. "Yes you can, Dean! You are the bravest and most adventurous man I've ever known! You can do anything!" Dean nodded and swiped at the sweat building up on his forehead.

"We'll go first!," Dorothy yelled as she finished strapping in Cas. Charlie nodded and gave them two thumbs up. Dorothy swung open the large door and Cas felt the rush of all the wind hit him on his face. He turned to face Dean and yelled, "Meet you on the other side!" Dorothy jumped before Cas could hear Dean's reply if there was one.

Cas screamed as he and Dorothy free fell with one another. The rush was exhilarating and he felt like he could do this a million and one more times. He laughed as he saw the earth become more clear before Dorothy ultimately pulled the parachute chord. Cas clapped his hands together and let out another satisfied "Woooo!" as they got closer and closer to the ground. The way the world looked so beautiful from the sky and the way nothing else seemed to matter in the plane. He truly felt like this was the first day of the rest of his life.

Dorothy tucked her legs as the ground came into view and Cas prepped himself for the landing. They landed smoothly and Cas let out his breath that he had been holding. Dorothy unclipped him and high-fived him as he continued to smile brightly. "That was amazing, Dorothy!," he exclaimed loudly, still not believing he just jumped out of a plane. He looked up and searched the sky for Dean. He could still feel the adrenaline rushing through his veins when he saw the tiny dot way up get bigger and bigger as it came rushing down. "It's Dean!," he shouted excitedly as he pointed at the sky.

"Yeah, that's him alright, I can here him screaming from down here," Dorothy laughed in amusement. Cas watched in amazement as Charlie and Dean landed. Dean was a mess of course. Cas shook his head and ran over to Dean who was still clutching the ropes of the parachute.

"Am I- Am I dead?," he stuttered looking into Cas's eyes. Cas laughed and wrapped Dean into a hug. "I knew you could do it! Thank you, Dean," he said warmly as he reluctantly let go of Dean.

Dean calmed down after a few minutes and let out a scream. "I did it!," he yelled out proudly and jumped back into Cas's arms. He kissed Cas passionately and wrapped his arms around his neck. Dean withdrew and looked back at Castiel. "Thank me? For what?," Dean asked finally catching on to what Cas previously said.

"For facing your fears just for me. Thank you for teaching me to take risks. This is real, Dean! I feel like I'm getting to know myself! I'm Castiel Novak and I love to jump out of planes!," he shouted enthusiastically.

Dean shook his head but smiled, "Well, that makes one of us." He put his hand in Cas's and smiled widely, "What do you say, Cas? Want to continue taking on this world with me?"

Cas threw his head back and laughed genuinely then threw himself around Dean, "I wouldn't have it any other way."


	7. Real life

Castiel threw his head back in laughter as he listened closely to one of Dean's stories about his brother when they were younger. "Yes! He really stole my prom date. He was only a freshman!," Dean laughed incredulously.

Castiel shifted in the passenger seat in Dean's patrol car. He put his hand on his face and wiped away the tears coming out. "Are you serious?," he laughed.

Dean nodded and shrugged while smiling widely. "I swear. And he said he was doing me a favor. Called it brothers intuition saying that he knew I liked boys."

Castiel smiled as he watched Deans bright green eyes fog over. He touched his knee lightly to get his attention, "Thank you for sharing your life with me, Dean. Even these little stories. I want to know everything about you."

Dean looked at Cas's serious eyes and shook his head, "I really don't think you want to know everything, Cas."

Cas nodded quickly, "Of course I do."

Dean sighed and pulled into the parking lot of the hotel. "How about we save this conversation for another time?"

Cas tilted his head in confusion and nodded his head in defeat, "If you wish." He swung his door open and put his foot on the pavement, preparing to get out before a strong hand grabbed his forearm. He turned to see Dean who was looking upset.

"I promise, Cas. One day, I will tell you everything. But for now, let's just live in this moment," Dean said quietly.

Cas pursed his lips and nodded once. He stepped out and slammed the door, walking briskly to the front doors before anyone on the street could notice him.

"Cas! Wait up!," Dean called while jogging to catch up.

Cas turned and held the door open for Dean who smiled thankfully. He let the door closed and walked to the elevator, waiting for it to come down.

Dean grabbed his arm and spun him to face him. "Hey," he started softly, "don't be mad at me."

Cas crossed his arms and shrugged, "I'm not. It's just different for me to want to be with someone so private when I have no other choice but to keep my life public."

Dean shook his head and furrowed his brow, "You do have a choice, Cas. I thought you were taking your life back."

Cas pursed his lips into an even line and stepped into the elevator that just opened. Dean followed him and continued to stare at him as the elevator took them up to Cas's floor. The doors glided open and Cas stepped out still not waiting for Dean.

Dean caught up with him once more and turned him to face him in front of his rooms door. "Tell me what's wrong. I'm trying to help you, Cas," he said through gritted teeth.

Cas crinkled his nose and rolled his eyes, "Don't you see, Dean? Even if I do quit this life, it's never going to be over. Ever. My face has been in everything from movies to billboards since I was seven. I can't even go get a cup of coffee without a swarm of paparazzi following me and screaming accusations. And you think I want to live like that? Sometimes," he paused and looked down at the ground not wanting to look at Dean, "Sometimes it all hits me at once. All this pressure to be the guy that they built me up to be and I feel like I'm suffocating."

Dean bit his lip and swallowed nervously. He took Cas's hands in his, "Hey," he started softly, "Look at me."

Cas looked up with teary, tired eyes. The look alone was enough to break Dean's heart. He cleared his throat nervously and said, "I've learned and found out the hard way, that the thing in life that screws us up the most, is that little image in your head that tells you how your life should be and how it should look but it's not reality, Cas. And I've learned that you can keep going long after you think that you cant. Please believe me."

Cas nodded and threw his arms around Dean, wrapping him into a tight hug. He stayed there for several minutes and Dean didn't bother to let go either. Cas let out a shaky breath and was about to let go when he heard his door open. Confused, he looked over to see Jo standing in the middle of the frame with a displeased look on her face.

"Jo?," Cas asked letting go of Dean.

"Hey, Castiel. Nice to hear from you. Gee, I sure am glad that this is what has been keeping you so busy," she said as she threw a hand in Deans direction.

"Jo, this is none of your business. You are simply my assistant. And I don't think I need any assistance here," Cas said beginning to feel his blood boil.

She shook her head in anger and let out a mock laugh, "Uh, actually you do. You have a contract, Cas! And you haven't even been going to any scheduled events. Your reputation is going down and you are being called a 'Hollywood flake.' If you cut this contract then I am out of a job. But why would you care? After all, I'm only an assistant." She threw the newspaper she was holding on the floor and stepped over it with her heels. She turned around one last time as she walked away and yelled, "Don't give all this up for some fling. You're smarter than this so call me when this mid life crisis of yours is over."

Dean looked at Cas and pursed his lips trying g his best not to get in the middle of it. They both watched as Jo's blonde hair swayed from side to side as she got into the elevator. She looked sadly at Cas and frowned as the doors closed slowly.

Cas turned to look at Dean who's face gave away no emotion he was feeling, "I'm sorry you had to see that. That was extremely unprofessional of her."

Dean shook his head quickly, "Uh, no. Its fine, Cas. I mean, I shouldn't have expected anyone to be fine with this really." He looked down to the ground at the crumbled up newspaper and bent to pick it up. There was a series of photos on the front of Dean and Cas. In one, Dean was leading Cas to their car with their hands intertwined. In another, Cas and Dean were hugging in front of the hotel. And in the last one, is a small unclear photo from the night on the balcony. Dean is seen holding on to Cas's hands. The headline read, 'Castiel Novak: from suicide attempt to romance?' Dean folded the paper up quickly and placed it behind his back in hopes that Cas didn't see.

Cas held his hand out for Dean to hand over. Dean sighed and unfolded the newspaper, handing it to Cas. Cas read quickly over the front page and dropped it back onto the floor, shaking his head. He turned on his heel and entered his room, grabbing his suitcases quickly.

Dean followed behind him, confused. "What are you doing?," he asked confused.

Cas started to pack his clothes into his open suitcase on the bed, not caring to fold them. "I'm leaving," he said with no explanation.

Dean ran a hand down his face, "Uh, yeah. I get that. But I'm asking where you're going exactly?"

Cas stopped and looked to Dean who had his hands on his hips, "Anywhere but here. I can't be in this space anymore. I can't keep looking at those French doors that lead to the balcony. I just cant anymore."

Dean shook his head and sat on the bed where Cas was packing. "Let me come with you," Dean said.

Cas looked at him with wide eyes, "You want to come with me?"

Dean nodded and ran his hand down Cas's cheek lightly, "Of course. You really don't expect me to stay in L.A without you, do you?"

Cas laughed and shook his head, "Well, it wouldn't hurt to have company. But what about your job?"

"It's my job to protect you now. I'll just let my dad know that I'm going to be following you for the rest of your tour," Dean said.

Cas nodded and smiled, "The tour can wait. But you don't happen to have a passport, do you?"

Dean laughed, "Oh no. What do you have planned?"

Cas got up and finished putting the rest of his clothes in his bags. He put his baseball cap on his head and his signature sunglasses. "Alright, let's do this," he said with a large smile. He grabbed his bags and left the room to go check out.

xXx

Once they were in the car safely with no attention from anyone on the street, Cas let out a relieved sigh. "The hardest part is going to be sneaking out of the country without my mom finding out," he laughed.

Dean nodded and swallowed nervously, "Uh, so this is going to involve like a long flight, huh?"

Cas nodded and looked over at Dean with his head tilted, "Yeah. Anywhere we go is going to take over twelve hours."

Dean sighed and ran his hands down his thighs , trying to calm himself down, "Okay. Alright. I can do that."

Cas laughed, "Are you scared? I mean, I have a private jet so we won't be around crowds or anything."

Dean shook his head, "Of course I'm not scared. Its just planes you know, make me nervous obviously."

Cas laughed again and straightened his face up when he saw Dean give him a serious look. "Dean, you jumped out of a plane. I'm pretty sure your fear left when you did that," Cas said.

Dean nodded, "Yeah, you may be right. I just need to stop by my house to pack, okay?"

Cas nodded back and rested his head against the window watching the houses in a quaint neighborhood go by. Dean pulled the car into a driveway of an average looking home. A dodge challenger was in the drive way as well. The house was a one story home with red brick and a white door contrasting the colors.

Dean stepped out and stretched his back out. Cas followed and closed his door softly.

Dean smiled and wrapped Cas into a hug. He ran his hand slowly up and down his back. Cas smiled back and took in the scent of Dean's apple scent mixed with cologne. It smelled like heaven.

"Dean?," came a disembodied voice from in front of them.

Dean turned and let go of Cas. A tall man with similar features to Dean stood in front of them in a police uniform. Cas turned to look at Dean who had his mouth open and his eyes wide.

"Dad?"


	8. As you are

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow! Sorry for the lack of update on this and all my stories. Work has been kicking my butt. I will try to write and post more. Let me know how you like it or if you just want to talk about ideas :)

"Son, what are you doing?," the older man asked Dean directly.

Dean took a step forward, "Dad. I'm just driving Castiel here to the airport. You know, the celebrity case you assigned me."

Cas stepped forward as well and outstretched his hand to the man identified as Dean's father, "Castiel Novak. It's a pleasure to meet you."

Deans father eyed him up and down before breaking out into a smile and gripping his hand tightly, "Please, Mr. Novak, the pleasure is all mine."

Cas smiled brightly and looked at Dean who continued to look nervous. "The names John Winchester. I am the chief of police for Los Angeles. I sure hope my son, Dean, has been taking care of you," John said gruffly.

Cas nodded, "Of course. He has been nothing short of perfect." Dean stepped in between them with a slight blush begin to creep up his neck.

"What are you doing here, dad?," he asked slowly.

John rolled his eyes, "You know your mother. She's been worried sick about you and you haven't been answering your phone so I figured I'd come check on you but I didn't realize Castiel was still in town."

"Actually, I was just leaving but I wanted to see if Dean would accompany me. He's been the best bodyguard that I've ever been assigned. I'll be back in town in about two days," Castiel cut in.

John gave the actor a confused look, "I don't understand. I thought this was a three day assignment."

Cas looked at Dean who had tightened his mouth and looked like he was trying not to say anything. "Uh, well it was. But there's been a change of plans and I would very much like it of Dean could come with me."

"Dean, you do know that you have to stop living in fantasy land eventually. You have duties at the force. I can't promote you to Sargent if this is how you spend you're time," he said waving a hand in Castiel's direction and g lowering at Dean.

"I know, dad. But it's not your life. Its mine and right now I think it's best if I step back and go with Castiel," he said while straightening up and pulling his shoulders back.

Cas could see his police demeanor come out while he talked to his dad but he felt like this is the first time he's stood up to him.

John eyes flashed with anger before he closed them and took a deep breath, pinching he bridge of his nose. "Fine. Go do what you need to do but I expect you back Monday morning," John eventually said.

Dean nodded and Cas could see a hint of a smile form on his beautiful lips. They both watched on as John shook his head to himself and got into the dodge charger.

Dean waved as the car took off down the road. He turned to Cas and gave a warm smile, "So where are we going?"

Cas shook his head with a smirk, "That I can't tell you. Now go get packed." He slapped Deans ass playfully and laughed freely as Dean let out a small yelp.

He had his good days and bad days. Today he could feel was one of his good ones and he was feeling good. Really good.

Dean smiled and shook his head as he headed inside with Cas following close behind him.

When he stepped inside he was immediately hit with a warm and comfortable feeling that felt so foreign to him but it was nice all at the same time.

Deans house smelled of apple cinnamon and it reminded him of the way him and his mother would bake pies before all the fame. He wished things could go back to the way they were.

"Are you okay?," he could hear Dean ask from the distance.

Cas's head popped up, unaware where he was for a moment. He nodded, "Of course. Go ahead and get ready."

Dean nodded back, "Okay. Feel free to have a seat. I won't be long."

Cas watched as Dean disappeared behind a corner and turned to look over his living room. It was average size and rustic looking. It was very Dean. There was a three seater grey tweed couch and a matching love seat that was caddy cornering it creating half a square in the middle of his living room.

Cas sat down on the end and placed his elbow on the arm rest. There was a medium sized fireplace in front of the larger couch and a 50 inch flat screen television hanging firmly above it.

There was a smal framed sitting on the coffee in front go him. He looked behind him to see if Dean was still in his room and picked the photo up slowly. It was a picture of what looked to be Deans high school graduation. He was in a red cap and gown and smiling widely. A beautiful blonde had her arm wrapped around his waist and looked as if she had a tears in her eyes along with who he knows as Deans father on her other side with his arm around her shoulders. He wasn't smiling but you could tell in his eyes how proud he was. On the other side of Dean was a tall boy with long, floppy hair and a goofy grin of his own. He was holding up the peace sign and Castiel chuckled softly to himself as he ran a finger down Deans face on the photo.

"What's so funny?," he heard Deans disembodied voice from behind him.

Cas jumped and put the photo back down quickly. "Uh, nothing. Just waiting is all," he said as he waved Dean off.

Dean raised his eyebrow and walked around the couch and sat next to Cas. He looked at the photo and back at Cas and smiled softly. "That's my family," he explained.

Cas nodded, "I assumed as much."

"Yeah. The good old days. That's my mom, dad and brother, Sammy," he said as he placed his hand on Cas's leg.

Cas smiled and looked up to meet the gorgeous green eyes staring back at him. "What are we doing, Dean?," he asked.

Dean looked confused, "What do you mean?"

Cas shrugged, "I mean why are we running away from my problems? And what the hell is wrong with me to want to get you involved with them?"

"Don't say that," Dean said shaking his head. "Don't say that, Cas. I want to be there for you. I want to help you," he said softly.

"Why?," Cas questioned him.

Dean bit his lips and looked down at his hand still on Cas's leg and removed it slowly. He then took Cas's hand in his and placed a gentle kiss on his knuckle. "Because, Cas, I- I really like you. And I can't even think about walking away now."

Cas felt his cheeks heat up and looked down at their hands intertwines. "I really like you, too but you just need to understand that my life is far from simple obviously. I don't want to put you in harms way. The media is relentless. If they confirm that were together, it won't stop there. It will just get worse. There will always be reporters on your lawn waiting to badger you. Your job is at stake, Dean!," he said loudly.

Dean stood up quickly and ran a frustrated hand through his hair, "I don't give a damn about any of that! I want to be with you and everything that comes with!"

Cas pursed his lips and put his head in his hands. "You don't know what you're saying," he said softly.

"Yes I do, Cas. I do. As long as it involves you, I want it all," he heard Dean said from above him.

Dean grabbed Cas's wrist gently and pulled him up in front of him. Cas avoided his eyes as he looked at the floor.

"Hey, look at me," Dean said softly as he lifted Cas's head with his finger.

Cas reluctantly looked up back into his eyes that never failed to make him melt. "I want to be with you, Cas. I- I feel like I need to be with you. I mean I'm falling pretty hard and fast for you," he said with a nervous laugh.

Cas let his mouth fall open as he stared at the man confessing his feelings for him in front of him. "I- I need to get out of here," he said quickly as he turned and half jogged out of Deans home.

"Cas! Wait!," Dean called out after him as he ran outside into the hot summer air.

Cas stood still on he sidewalk in front of Deans lawn with his arms crossed.

"How are you going to get home? Did you think that through before you ran away?," Dean asked partly teasing him.

Cas rolled his eyes as he stood with his back to Dean still. Dean walked over and grabbed his shoulder spinning him around to face him once more.

"I'd like to go now, Dean," Cas spoke quietly.

Dean nodded and ran a hand down his face. "Alright, Cas. Just answer something for me," he said looking deeply into his eyes.

Cas swallowed nervously and nodded, "What?"

"What are you so afraid of?," Dean asked. Cas felt the words hit him in his heart.

He gasped inaudibly. It was like Dean could see all of him and as he looked back into his eyes that he knew he was falling in love with, he knew he would always be haunted by them. "I'm afraid of everything. I'm afraid that if I'm with you another minute that I won't be able to turn around again. I'm afraid of the road I'm about to take you on," Cas answered hesitantly.

"When you're scared, I can promise you that I'll be there to crush your fears. Please, let me be there for you," Dean pleaded him as he took a step forward.

Cas hesitated then let all his walls fall apart. He threw his arms around Deans neck and sniffled as he tried to fight the tears that threatened to spill.

"Let's get you inside," Dean said softly as he started making his way back to the front door.

Cas nodded and let Dean lead him back inside where they both sat back on the couch. Dean wrapped his arm around Cas's shoulder and whispered, "I'm not going anywhere no matter how much you fight me."

Cas smiled to himself and leaned his head against Deans chest. He knew in his heart that this was the first time in his entire life that he's ever felt truly loved.


	9. Wicked Games

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh no! Sorry it's taking me so long to update. Work is very crazy at the moment but enjoy this semi long chapter in the mean time!

Castiel sat comfortably on the couch with his head laying serenely on Deans chest. He listened closely to Deans heartbeat rhythmically as he breathed in and out. Cas loved to listen to the way Deans heart sped up every time he moved slightly closer to him.

Dean wrapped his arm around Cas's shoulder and played with his thick hair with his hand and smiled to himself as he flipped through channels mindlessly on the television. He stopped as soon as he saw a familiar face before him and chuckled lowly.

Cas looked up and sat up straight, turning to Dean with wide eyes. "Dean, turn it off," Cas begged.

Dean let out a loud laugh and shook his head. "No way, babe," he said as he turned back to the T.V.

Cas hid his face in his hand as he felt the heat from the oncoming blush rise up his neck. He felt odd. He never felt embarrassed when watching himself on T.V but for some reason it was different with Dean. He cared tremendously what he thought of him. He felt raw in Deans presence, a feeling that was still foreign to him.

He peeked back up to see it was just the newly released trailer for his upcoming fall movie. It was a quick look at the scene where he and Mark Sheppard bungee jump off a huge bridge with some hip hop track playing in the background. He watched from the side as Dean started laughing loudly and throwing his head back.

He turned back to the T.V where it showed Marks character, Crowley, throwing eggs at a house and looking around for Cas's character who sped off in his car as the front door to the house opened to reveal Crowley with a carton of eggs and a guilty look.

Dean threw his head back again and continued laughing deeply. The release date appeared on screen then quickly cut back to a cooking show. Dean wiped his eyes as he smiled widely.

"Okay, now that seriously looks hilarious. I didn't take you for a comedy sort of guy," Dean commented with a smirk.

Cas feigned hurt as he gently shoved Deans shoulder. "Oh yeah? And what did you take me as, Winchester? A fifty shades of grey type?," he asked with a raised brow.

"Uh. N-no of course not," Dean stuttered. "I mean it's not like I imagined you in that sense. Just the occasional thought," he said quickly.

Cas gave his own smirk as he looked Dean up and down slowly and bit his lip. He leaned in and gently grabbed Deans face with his hands and pulled him in for a sensual kiss.

Dean leaned further into Cas's mouth and opened his mouth slightly as a moan slipped out. Cas took that as an invitation to explore further. He let his tongue embrace in a slow and exciting dance with Deans.

Cas leaned more and more into Dean as their kiss became more heated and passionate. He climbed slowly on top of Dean and sank him deeper into the couch.

Dean obliged happily as he took the heated opportunity to explore Cas's body with his curious hands. Cas let a groan escape that's been building up since Dean first touched him. He began to rock gently back and forth making sure he was getting enough friction with Deans growing erection below him.

Dean let out another moan but this time it was deeper and more passionate. The sound alone was enough to drive Cas wild. He made the swift move to unbuttoned Deans shirt but was stopped short by the sound of a cell phones ringtone.

It was what Cas recognized as White Snakes "Here I go again." Cas looked down at Dean and smirked while he wiggled uncomfortably now underneath him.

"I didn't take you as a fan. I mean, Journey is understandable but White Snake?," Cas teased with a raised eyebrow.

Dean rolled his eyes and pushed Cas's chest in an effort to get him off of him. Cas chuckled and slid slowly off Dean and went back to his place on the couch.

Dean watched him with hooded eyes as he bit his lip. Cas smiled warmly and waved a hand to Deans cell phone that was still ringing incessantly on the coffee table.

Deans eyes widened as he seemed to remember as he jumped and quickly grabbed his phone not even looking to see who was calling him. He hastily put the phone to his ear, "This is Officer Winchester."

Cas watched as all the blood seemed to drain from Deans face as the person on the other line spoke. "Uh, yes. He's safe and I intend to keep it that way which is why I have to strongly agree against that," Dean spoke gruffly into the receiver.

Dean balled his fist tightly to the side and shook his head. "No you don't understand! I get that this is his job but believe me when I say that nothing good will come of this night!," Dean shouted.

He ran a hand through his hair and rolled his eyes as he quickly handed the phone over to Cas. Cas reluctantly took the phone as he watched Dean quickly get up and begin to pace in front of him.

"Hello?," he spoke cautiously.

"Cas! Thank God that maniac let me get in touch with you. Where the hell is your phone?," Jo asked in a rush.

Cas felt his stomach drop as reality began to sink in. "Oh. It must be dead," he answered disinterested.

Cas eyes followed Deans movements as he continued walking back and forth in the living room.

"Really, Castiel? You know what, never mind. We don't have time for this. You have a movie premiere to get to," the feisty blonde snapped into the phone.

Cas furrowed his brow, "The what?" and then his eyes widened immediately as he jumped to his feet looking to the clock on the wall for the time. "Uh, yes. Yes I will be there…. Yes I am bringing a date," Castiel said as he answered Jo's questions.

He looked to Dean and gave him an apologetic smile as he shrugged his shoulders. "I'll be there on time. On the red carpet. Everything will be fine," he reassured her.

Castiel rolled his eyes to he ceiling one last time before hanging up and handing Dean back his phone.

"So, you're actually going?," Dean asked sheepishly with his hands in his pockets.

Castiel shrugged and nodded slightly. "Of course. Its my job and I worked pretty hard on this movie. I just cant believe I forgot," he said as he shook his head.

Dean nodded and kept his head low, "Yeah. So I guess it's a good thing that we didn't just jet off to Costa Rica then."

Castiel laughed and ran a hand through his hair slowly. "Yes, I suppose it is. I'd hate to see Jo's wrath on that one."

Dean nodded and looked away from Castiel. "Yeah, well have fun on your date."

Castiel tilted his head and squinted his eyes at Dean, "Well, I do hope that you'll have fun with me."

Deans head shot up as he gave Cas a worried look, "Me? But what about Balthazar?"

Cas shrugged and didn't look bothered with Deans assumption, "What about him?"

Dean gave a confused look and began pacing back and forth in front of his coffee table. "I thought he was your public date. What are they going to say when they see us together?," Dean asked with worry in his voice.

Cas shrugged, "Who cares?"

Dean furrowed his brow and stopped pacing to stare at Cas who was standing in front of the couch without a worry. "What do you mean who cares? They do. I mean, this is your career," Dean said frantically.

Cas nodded along with Deans rant and smiled widely at him.

"What are you smiling at?," he asked as his mouth formed it's own smile that he just couldn't help.

"You," Cas answered with no explanation.

Dean raised an eyebrow, "What about me?"

"You're cute when you worry," he said with a wink. "Now, do you have a tux? You would look very good in one."

Dean thought for a moment and sighed, "Yes. I wear one every year to the police man's ball."

Cas let out a giggle that was foreign to Deans ears. "Now what are you laughing at?," he asked with a smile.

Cas giggled again, "You said ball."

Dean rolled his eyes and smiled, "Stop being cute. Apparently we're crunched for time."

Cas nodded and regained his composure as he watched Dean walk out of the living room and into his bedroom. He couldn't help being smitten with Dean. Is this what it feels like to be in love? No, it's much too soon. But who says love at first sight is a myth cause right now it sure doesn't feel like one. Cas sat back on the couch to wait for Dean to freshen up and attempted to change his wayward thoughts.

XXx

Castiel sat in the backseat of the limo, that Jo had ordered to Deans house, with Dean right beside him looking nervous.

"Hey, it's okay. You look like you're on your way to senior prom. You've got to calm your nerves a little. And remember, tonight you're my date not a police officer," Cas said confidently as he held Deans hand.

Dean scoffed and rolled his eyes, "I'm always a police officer. Especially when you're around. You know I have to protect you."

Cas smiled warmly to himself and nodded slightly. The limo pulled up slowly to the entrance and Cas placed a gentle kiss on Deans knuckles to calm him down.

Dean nodded back and bit his lip as an event worker opened up the door for them.

Cas felt himself slipping back into his old skin. The one that knew how to handle the media and the cameras. His pre- Dean self. He got out of the limo carefully and fought a smile as he hears the crowd behind the ropes erupt into a loud cheer of his name and cries of affection.

He straightened his jacket out as he began to walk down the carpet, stopping for the occasional selfie and autograph.

Dean followed closely behind him with his hands stuffed in his pockets and his chest sticking out.

Castiel noted that he only seems to do that stance when he's in an unknown environment which of course he found incredibly adorable.

"Castiel! Castiel!," a loud voice yelled from the end of the carpet where a TV camera and interviewer were set up.

Cas walked up confidently to her and smiled into the camera, "Hello."

"Castiel Novak you are looking handsome as ever. Are you excited for the world to see your new work?," the beautiful brunette in the short dress asked as she placed the microphone in his face.

Cas smiled once again and received another cheer from the audience. "Of course I am. Me and the cast and crew are very proud of our work here and we just know it's sure to be a favorite," he said as he side glanced at Dean who was staring at him lovingly.

Castiel felt his stomach flip at the sight of Dean and continued to stare back into his eyes. All he could think about was how perfect Dean looked tonight and the way the lights reflected off those already beautiful eyes in a way that would make Aphrodite jealous.

"….Castiel?," he heard a faint voice coming through his head.

He snapped his head back to the camera and interviewer, "Oh, uh yes?," he asked embarrassed that he got caught off guard for the first time in his whole career.

"I asked where your date was," the woman said smiling her perfect white smile.

Cas composed himself once more and turned to catch Deans eyes again. He stuck his hand out for Dean to hold and turned back to the woman with the largest smile he'd have for the night.

Dean grabbed Cas's hand nervously and smiled at the interviewer who looked like she had just hit the jackpot.

"Officer Winchester? He's your date?," she asked as if she couldn't believe what was happening.

Cas smiled again, "Yes he is. And you can also call him my boyfriend."

The interviewers eyes grew wide as she turned back to the camera, "Okay, you heard it here first, Castiel Novak and now confirmed boyfriend, Dean Winchester are Hollywood's hottest new couple."

Dean turned to Cas as they walked away from the interviewer and asked, "So, I'm your boyfriend now?"

Cas grinned at him, "Well, it's all over the news now so it must be true."

Dean laughed and shook his head as they made their way into the theater.

XxX

Castiel and Dean walked out of the theater hand in hand as they talked quietly to each other. They reached the coat line and waited as the line moved at glacier pace.

"Seriously, one of the best movies I've seen in such a long time. It's a shame the public won't be able to view it for a few more weeks," Dean said honestly.

Cas shrugged his shoulders and smiled, "Yeah, well we're more of the test audience. They might change the music or put in the alternate ending once it officially hits theaters."

Dean nodded and leaned over placing a quick and chaste kiss on Cas's cheek.

Cas chuckled, "What was that for?"

Dean shrugged and gave him a knowing smirk, "I just want to thank you. You know, for bringing me tonight. I had a lot of fun. And also.."

Cas tilted his head as Dean stopped mid sentence. He seemed to be distracted by a sight over Cas's shoulder.

He turned around and saw a furious looking Balthazar quickly making his way towards them.

"Cassie?! What the hell? Since when has this been going on?," Balthazar yelled in disgust as he threw a hand in Deans direction.

Castiel used to let himself feel intimidated by him. He let himself feed into this fantasy life of fake relationships and showmanship. But this was it. He had enough and he would no longer be a victim to this industry or the people in it.

"Don't you dare call me that!," Castiel spat as he pointed an angry finger in Balthazars direction.

Balthazar raised a surprised eyebrow and stepped slowly towards Castiel in his predatory ways that Cas used to be afraid of. "What the hell did you just say to me?," he asked in a low tone.

Castiel felt himself snap as he watched the way Balthazar changed into this completely different person as if he was playing a role. But this was real and the fact that his kind side was the role he's been playing made Castiel sick to his stomach.

"Get the fuck away from me," Cas hissed as Balthazar finally made his way into his personal space.

"Or what?," Balthazar asked menacingly as he grabbed the back of Castiel's head and forced him to look up at him.

Cas gritted his teeth and felt his nostrils flare from anger but didn't have the time to retaliate before Balthazar was knocked to the ground and he was freed of his hold on him.

He watched in shock as Dean wrestled on top of Balthazar and delivered blow after blow to his face.

"Dean! Dean! Stop! This isn't the way! Stop!," he screamed at the top of his lunges as he attempted to pull Dean off of Balthazar. He looked around behind him for help but was only met with cell phones in his face as onlookers only attempted to record what was playing out in front of them.

"Dean!," Castiel cried out frantically once more before Dean snapped out of his haze and turned to see Castiel with tears running down his face.

"Stop," Cas whispered desperately.

Dean nodded and looked back down to Balthazar who was passed out on the floor. He definitely had a broken nose and a mild concussion.

Dean stood up quickly and took Cas's face in his hands. "Are you okay? Tell me you're alright, Angel," Dean said desperately as he rubbed the tears away from Cas's eyes.

Cas nodded sadly and looked at Balthazar who was being attended to by first aide workers. He looked back up and met Deans protective eyes that only seemed to shout love in this moment before he nodded again affirmatively.

"Please, take me back to your place," he begged Dean quietly. Dean nodded and wrapped Cas in his arms as they walked quickly to their waiting car.

"I told you I'd always protect you," he whispered into Cas's trembling ear as they walked further into the night.


	10. Pillowtalk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back from my small hiatus! Chapters will be updated regularly every other day now. This chapter is explicit.

Dean let out a frustrated cry and punched the black leather seat in front of him as hard as he could. "Fuck!," he yelled out in a mix of anger and pain.

Cas let out a shaky, afraid breath as he watched the man who was once so confident coming undone in front of him. "I'm sorry," he whispered as he gently touched his back. He noticed how Deans tuxedo was now no longer wearable as it had large holes and rips all the way through it.

Dean turned around and took in the sight of Cas trembling with tears in his eyes. 'Oh God, he thinks this is all his fault,' he thought bitterly feeling a rush of guilt hit him right in his chest. He leaned back in the seat next to Cas and wrapped his arm around his shoulders, tugging him to lay his head on his chest. He kissed the top of his head and felt a tiny smile pull at his lips.

"You know that wasn't your fault. That douchebag had it coming. I'm just pissed off that he thinks he can talk to someone like that and victimize them in such a way," Dean explained gently with a hint of disgust in his voice.

Cas said nothing as he listened to Deans breathing slowing down from its erratic state that it had previously been in. He felt his heavy hand start to run through his hair. Cas smiled softly as he let the tear fall freely from his irritated eye and land on Deans dress shirt.

"You're so special, Cas. So special. And to hell with all of them if they don't see you the way I do. You're the best damn person in the world and you have a heart made of goddamn gold," Dean continued passionately.

Cas bit his lip in an attempt to not let his face bust out into the goofy grin that it so desperately wanted to do. "No one's ever said something so nice to me before," he whispered.

"Because they're all fucking idiots. Every last one of them," Dean said so simply. He rubbed his hand up and down Cas's arm as the limo pulled up to Deans house.

"Lets get you inside," Dean said gently as he pulled Cas upright.

Cas nodded and fixed his clothing as he stepped out into the crisp air with Dean following behind him.

Dean dug through his pockets for his keys while waving at the limo driver as he pulled away.

Cas crossed his arms across his chest and looked around at the quiet little neighborhood around him. It was really quite quaint. He tried to focus on the oil spot in Deans driveway to distract him but was only brought back to the painful memories of all the times he let Balthazar and the media have their way. He shuddered as recounted the time Balthazar grabbed him in an obscene way for the sake of publicity. What was worse was that his fan base seemed to enjoy it as well.

"Babe? Babe? Cas?," Dean asked concerned as he waved as hand in front of Cas's face whose eyes were fixated on a oil spot.

Cas snapped out of it quickly and looked up at Dean who looked confused. "Oh. I-I'm sorry," he said softly as he avoided Deans gaze.

Deans mouth tightened but he said nothing as he waved Cas inside. He watched as Cas slowly entered and took his jacket off, placing it on a bar stool.

Dean turned on his living room light and hissed as the intensity of the light hit him. He never even realized his eye was hurting. He looked at Cas who was looking at him with his doe eyes.

"Here. Let me have a look," Cas said gently as he walked over to assess his injuries. He grabbed Deans hand and led him to the couch and sat down slowly. He placed his hands on his face and lifted it up so he could see better.

Dean grimaced slightly as Cas used his thumb to open his left eye wider. He watched as a flood of emotions washed over his face with anger winning.

"Well, you're not going to be blind but he definitely popped a few blood vessels in that eye and it will probably be bruised in the morning," Cas said through grit teeth.

Dean nodded and winced as Cas let go of his face. "I'll be alright. I've had worse," he said with a cocky smile.

Cas smiled back and shook his head. "You ruined your important tux."

Dean looked down and took in all the rips in his favorite (and only) tuxedo. "Well, it appears I have." He took the jacket off slowly and smirked.

Cas couldn't help it as his eyes wandered down to a very big rip in the front of his white dress shirt, exposing some of his ab muscles and a hint of a perky nipple. He licked his lips and looked up at Dean who was smiling knowingly.

"I guess I should take this off, huh?," Dean asked rhetorically as he slowly undid the buttons one by one.

Cas felt his pants tighten. He knew exactly what he was doing to him. He bit his lip as Dean tossed his shirt to the side while he stood up from the couch. Cas took in the way his black slacks seemed to defy all laws of science the way they hugged onto Deans hips.

Dean smirked and slowly walked backwards to his bedroom with a 'Come get me' look.

Cas jumped off the couch as he followed the man who was a professional at teasing into his bedroom. He looked around but didn't see him anywhere in sight. In front of him was a queen sized bed with grey and black sheets and blankets. Next to the bed was a bed stand with an alarm clock and gun next to it. 'That's not very safe,' he thought for a split second as he continued on his hunt.

He stepped more into the bedroom and looked to the other side of the room but was startled by the sound of the door slamming shut. He turned around quickly and was met with gorgeous green eyes glowing in the dark of the room.

Dean made his way closer and closer to Cas who was looking more and more like a deer in headlights. "And the hunter becomes the prey," he whispered sinisterly.

Cas felt chills run through his body as Dean pulled him closer to him and ran his lips softly over Cas's. "Tell me it's okay to kiss you," he whispered.

Cas could feel his hot breath on his face as he talked. He nodded quickly. "Please," he whispered.

Dean pressed their lips together swiftly and heatedly. He opened his mouth and relished as Cas did the same, just as eager as him. He let his tongue find Cas's and moaned slightly.

Cas could feel Dean sinking more into him the more they made out. He could also feel how bad Dean wanted him against his leg and he was damn sure that Dean could feel the same thing. He backed up slowly until he felt the back of his knees hit the bed.

Dean pulled Cas's jacket off and threw it to the ground and did the same with his perfect white shirt. He took in the sight of his magnificent body and the way the moonlight coming in through the window caressed him.

Cas had his eyes closed as he waited for Dean to continue kissing him but it didn't come. He opened his eyes , confused. "What's wrong?," he asked breathlessly.

Dean stood over Cas and smiled softly. "Nothing," he whispered, "Nothing at all. You're beautiful."

Cas could feel himself blushing and was grateful that the lights weren't on. "I want you, Dean," he whispered.

"Do you?," Dean asked.

"I do. Very badly," Cas confirmed.

"Good. Because I want you too. I just need your consent. I don't want to hurt you," Dean whispered as he ran his hand through the back of Cas's hair.

"You have it. 100 percent of it. You have it," Cas whispered as he leaned his head into Deans hand.

Dean groaned and unbuckled his pants quickly and kicking them to the side. He did the same with Cas's pants and slowly removed his boxers. His eyes widened as he took in the sight of Cas's impressive length.

Dean couldn't help himself and ran his tongue along Cas's shaft, earning a loud moan from him. He felt Cas place his hand in his hair and tug gently on his hair. Dean smirked to himself and took Cas's pink head tightly in his mouth and took it out quickly making a satisfying 'pop' sound.

Cas withered underneath Deans skilled mouth as he gripped as much hair as he could. "Ahh," he moaned lowly.

Dean looked up into Cas's eyes with his cock still in his mouth and winked as he took him all at once.

Cas used his other hand to grab the blankets underneath him as he tried his hardest not to cum right that second. He could feel himself in the back of Deans throat and damn it felt good.

Dean liked the reaction he was getting out of Cas so he continued to bob his head up and down quickly then slowly then quickly again until Cas was begging for him to stop unless he wanted him to cum already.

Dean smirked and stood up wiping his mouth off with the back of his hand. He looked down at Cas who was trying to regain composure of himself. He pulled his own boxers down teasingly and tossed them to the side.

Dean climbed on top of Cas's lap and kissed his neck gently. "Can you fuck me?," he whispered into his ear seductively.

Cas nodded and groaned at the thought. He tossed Dean off of him and onto the bed. "I'm not going to fuck you, Dean." He saw disappointment flash across the other man's face quickly.

"Id like to make love to you if that's acceptable," he whispered hopefully.

Dean furrowed his brow but nodded. "Of course, babe. I need you," Dean answered.

Cas felt another smile pulling at his lips and let it take over this time. He leaned down and gave Dean another soft, sensual kiss. "Where's your condoms and lube?," he asked.

Dean pointed his head to the bed side table and watched as Cas enthusiastically pulled out a condom and a small bottle of lube.

"Let me know if I hurt you," Cas said seriously.

Dean nodded and watched his fingers with hooded eyes as they began to spread lube all over them. Cas spread Deans legs wider and started to rub his lubed up finger along his hole.

Dean squirmed and moaned as Cas slowly and gently let his finger penetrate him. He felt everything as his finger pumped slowly in and out of him, preparing him. "More, Cas," Dean pleaded.

Cas obliged and added another finger and circled his hole, opening him up even more. Dean quivered and moaned loudly. Cas thought he looked even more beautiful at this moment.

"Another one, Cas. Please," Dean all but cried out. Cas smiled and added a third lubed finger until they were pumping in and out of Dean quickly. "I'm ready, baby. I'm ready," Dean said from underneath him.

Cas groaned and gently removed his fingers and ripped the condom open with his teeth as fast as he could. He felt Deans hand on his cock as they both rolled the condom on it.

He aligned himself up with Dean and looked into his eyes. "Tell me you want this," he whispered as his chest heaved up and down.

"I want this. Oh God, I want this," Dean pleaded.

Cas slowly pushed himself into Dean and was surrounded by tightness and heat and he knows he'd never get tired of this feeling.

Dean gripped his blankets tightly as Cas gently pumped in and out of Dean in a way that he never experienced before. It was gentle, it was slow, it was sweet, it was passionate and dare he say it, it was lovingly. And he loved every single second of it.

Dean placed a hand on his own cock and he copied each thrust for strokes of his own.

Cas leaned down and left a sweet kiss on Deans lips and smiled as he continued thrusting in and out of him. Dean closed his eyes and moaned loudly as he could feel himself about to cum.

"Ah, Cas. Cas. Cas. Cas," was all he could manage to say as a warm feeling took over him and he was cumming all over Cas's chest.

He let himself finish his organic haze before he opened his eyes and saw Cas making a similar face that he was making just seconds before. "Ahhh, Dean. Oh Goddddd," Cas stretched out every syllable.

Cas slumped lazily over Dean, riding out his own orgasm. When he finally came to he smiled at Dean and gave him a kiss on the tip of his nose as he pulled out gently.

He sat up in bed as he tied the condom up and tossed it in the small bin next to Deans bed. He then stood up and took his discarded shirt, wiping up the mess off his chest and slipping back into his pants with no belt.

Dean sat up and watched him sweetly. Cas turned and caught his eyes and smiled. "What are you looking at?," he teased as he tossed Deans boxers at him to put on.

Dean slid into his boxers and laughed lowly. "Nothing. I just cant believe I have such a hot boyfriend is all."

Cas laughed with him and slid into bed next to Dean. "Oh? Boyfriend?," he asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Well, didn't you just declare your love for me in front millions of people tonight?," Dean asked with a laugh.

Cas smiled shyly, "I suppose I did say you were my boyfriend. Surely it'll be on the news tonight or tomorrow. So it must be true."

"Its also going to be on the news that I beat the shit out of an A list celebrity," Dean said with a smile although you could hear the fear in his voice.

"Are you okay?," Cas asked with a whisper.

Dean continued smiling but let it all fall as soon as he looked into Cas's eyes. "Uh, no I'm – I'm not. My dad's going to kill me and I can kiss that promotion goodbye," he said softly.

"Promotion?," Cas asked.

Dean turned to his side and faced Cas who was also on his side staring directly into Deans eyes. "Yeah. My dad is retiring next week and I'm supposed to be stepping up and taking his place in running the LAPD. He's had this planned for years and now I went and ruined it," he explained with a shaky voice.

"And that's what you want?," Cas inquired.

"Of course," Dean said without hesitation. Cas raised an eyebrow until Dean sighed. "Well, maybe not."

"Its just, my whole life has been mapped out for me. There's never been a question of what I should be doing next and for the most part I feel like I followed that plan to the T," Dean said.

Cas furrowed his eyebrows, "For the most part?"

"Well, you know, at this point in my life I was supposed to be married with a couple rugrats. Imagine his disappointment when I told him women didn't interest me," he said bitterly.

Cas nodded, "Everything happens for a reason. That's what I strongly believe so maybe some divine intervention brought us together for a reason."

Dean smiled, "Yeah. You're completely right." Cas smiled back and intertwined their hands and placed a kiss on Deans forehead.

When he looked back at Dean, his eyes were already closed and he was sleeping soundly. Cas smiled and laid his head back down on the pillow, praying that this was all real.


	11. Hide Away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Story is on a regular schedule now and should be updated every other day even if it does end up being late at night. We are officially half way done!

Cas felt warm, content and loved. He felt something that he had never felt before and that was a sense of purpose. He peeked his eye open lazily and looked sideways at Dean who was snoring away.

During his sleep he managed to wrap his leg around Cas's body and throw his arm over his chest for good measure. Cas turned slowly onto his side and propped his arm on the pillow to rest his head on.

He stared at the man with a thousand freckles sleep peacefully. He briefly wondered how long it would take for him to count them all out. He heard Deans snoring stop abruptly but he kept his eyes shut.

"Quit staring at me, you weirdo," Dean said sleepily as he opened his eyes slowly.

Deans face broke out into a wide smile as his eyes met those baby blues that he was really coming to adore.

Cas smiled back just as wide, "How did you know I was staring?"

Dean turned around to face Cas, "Dude. I'm a cop. Its my job to know when weirdos are watching me sleep."

Cas laughed and pushed Dean playfully who in turn pushed him back. They went back and forth until Dean was on top of Castiel holding his hands above his head.

"I've got you exactly where I want you," he said with a coy wink. He leaned down and gave Cas a small kiss.

Cas attempted to deepen the kiss but Dean wouldn't let him, instead deciding to be chaste and sweet with him this morning. He gently got off of Cas and laid back down next to him.

Cas wrapped his arm around Deans shoulder and smiled as he rested his chin on Deans head and Dean laid his head on Cas's chest. He wouldn't want to be anywhere else right now. Or maybe he would.

"I have an idea," Cas said as he rubbed his large hand up and down Deans arm.

"And what would that be?," Dean asked while rubbing Cas's toned stomach.

"We need to get out of here, you know? Too much press everywhere you go were like animals. I figured, I own a cabin in Pennsylvania so we should go there. It's very quiet and private. You'd enjoy it," Cas said hesitantly hoping Dean would agree.

Deans hand stopped moving and Cas's heart skipped a beat. That was too big of a request, of course. "I don't know, Cas. I mean, don't you have other matters to attend to? You're an important guy," Dean said.

Cas shook his head quickly, "No, the tours over. It ended in L.A with the premiere. I was planning on going home to Illinois after but now I'm feeling like I want to spend as much time with you as possible, if that's alright with you. And here's another crazy idea, we can make it a couples weekend. We can invite your brother, his girl and my brother and his girl. It would be great, Dean."

Dean paused and seemed to think it over in his head for a good minute. "How about we talk about it over breakfast?," he finally said as he sat up more in bed.

Cas sat up as well and nodded, "Of course. Do you think I could take a shower?"

Dean smiled, "Yeah. The bathrooms on the right. I'll get you some clothes and get to making us breakfast."

XxX

"Dean?," Cas's voice could be heard from the kitchen where Dean was finished preparing the pancakes, eggs and hash browns.

"Yeah, babe?," Dean called out.

"Do I look okay?," Cas asked as he walked into the kitchen. He was wearing Deans old AC/DC shirt and his pair of skinny jeans that he would never admit to owning.

Dean felt like his jaw had dropped. Even in used, normal clothes, Cas still managed to be the hottest thing he'd ever seen.

"You- you look perfect," Dean stuttered and felt the heat of a blush begin to creep up his neck.

Cas smiled proudly and looked towards the front door where his eyes grew wide. "Oh God, Dean. You didn't tell me. I'm so sorry," he said quickly as he backed up.

Dean raised an eyebrow and lifted his shoulders in a half shrug, "What are you talking about?" He put down the rag he was holding and walked quickly to where Cas was standing just seconds ago. "Oh, hell no," he muttered as he ran to his bedroom to throw on some clothes.

Cas watched as Dean threw his jeans on and put on a plain black shirt before jumping into his boots. "Who the hell do they think they are?! I'm a police officer, goddamnit!," he yelled in frustration as he took quick, angry strides to the front door.

He swung the door open quickly and stepped onto his porch where he was met with hundreds of flashes of lights and microphones in front of his face. "Officer Winchester! Officer Winchester! Can you give us a quote on what sparked the assault on Balthazar?," one reporter called out.

Cas watched in horror through the blinds as Dean lifted his hand in an attempt to get the bright lights out of his eye.

"How do you feel knowing you broke up Hollywood's power couple?!," another reporter screamed as a few more flashes went off.

Cas couldn't watch anymore. Dean looked so helpless that he could feel his heart breaking a bit. He grabbed the baseball cap on the coffee table and placed it on backwards to hide his wet hair and swung the door open.

A few random screams of "Castiel!" and "Mr. Novak! Do you have a minute?!" were heard throughout the crowd. Castiel ignored all of them as he stood in front of Dean to protect him. He held his hand behind his back and smiled briefly as Dean held it tightly.

"Listen!," Castiel shouted while reporters and photographers continued to cry out. "I am not going to say anything to anyone if I cannot get proper attention and respect!," his voice boomed across the yard.

This seemed to make the crowd settle down dramatically. Cas looked out at the crowd of a hundred or more people and sighed inaudibly. A flash of light took him off guard as the photographer closest to him took a close up. He shut his eyes and felt the anger take over him. He pulled the expensive camera out of the man's hand and placed it around his neck.

"You can have this back when you learn how to treat someone like they're actually human," he scolded, resulting in scattered snickers and an embarrassed looking photographer.

He was done being treated like an animal but this crowd seemed to be responding well to his request for respect. He observed as everyone was quiet and just waiting for him to say something next.

"I will take a few questions and then I want you all to leave," Cas said loudly. There were a few nods and muttering to one another. He turned around to see how Dean was and was met with stunned green eyes.

Cas gave him an apologetic smile as he turned back to the awaiting crowd, all with their hands raised as high as they could manage in hopes that he would pick them. His scanned quickly, "Hmm. You. In the yellow shirt with long dark hair. What's your question?"

The woman looked delighted as she readied her notepad and pen," Is it safe to say that you and Balthazar are no longer an item?"

The crowd groaned lowly but Castiel gave a small smile. He had a talent for picking out the ones with basic, easy to answer questions. "Yes. Balthazar and I have been done for months now. I have moved on and I hope that he can do the same. I wish him all the best," he answered easily.

"Next question," he scanned quickly once more, "You. In the cowboy hat in the back although we are in California." The crowd laughed as the cowboy raised his neck to get a better look at Castiel.

He cleared his throat, "What started the altercation at last night's premiere?"

Damn. Never trust a cowboy. "There are certain factors that come into play when you're in the spotlight and in a new relationship. The pressure of having to save face and be someone you're not can get the best of anyone and last night was no exception to that," he vaguely explained as murmurs were exchanged through the crowd.

"Alright. Last question and then all of you need to leave the property of Officer Winchesters home," he watched in satisfaction as everyone seemed to agree, "Let's see. You. With the awesome glasses. What can I answer for you?"

The girl seemed to become timid at the immediate attention and cleared her throat a few times before finally speaking, "I'm sorry if this sounds dumb, I'm just a fan that wandered up and I enjoy your work very much."

Cas smiled brightly and nodded once," Thank you so much. Do you have a question?"

The girl twirled her hair with her finger and nodded before speaking again, "You're thirty one now. Do you think it's time to settle down? And I'm not talking Hollywood relationships."

Cas's smile faltered a bit but he redeemed himself quickly when he felt Deans hand give his a brief tight squeeze. "Why yes I do. I would want nothing more than to do just that. But you can't control life and how it goes. One day you're feeling worthless and hopeless and the next you're staring into bright green eyes that make you feel like anythings possible. So never say never," he answered while smiling fondly to himself.

He clapped his hands together quickly, "Alright. That includes this. I wish you all a good day and here," he took the camera off his neck and handed it back to the photographer in the front who still looked ashamed, "You gotta learn how to be around people, man."

The man nodded quickly before turning around and walking away. Cas turned back to Dean and waved toward the door. Dean smiled and gave Cas a quick kiss as they walked back inside where they went back to breakfast.

Dean sat across from Cas and coughed nervously. "Uh, that was amazing. How did you know exactly how to control them and what to say? I'm- I'm so mortified that I froze up like that!," Dean said in amazement.

Cas shrugged and took a sip of his orange juice. "Dean, I've been doing this since I was seven. You learn how to control certain situations. I just got lucky," he replied nonchalantly.

Dean nodded and went back to his breakfast but only found himself playing with his food. They sat in silence for a few minutes before Dean said, "Lets do it."

Cas tilted his head as he swallowed a bite of his pancake. "Do what?," he asked, confused.

"Lets get our families and go on this couple trip to your cabin. You said it would be great, right?," Dean said excitedly.

Castiel looked up a quickly from his plate and smiled wide, "Yes it will, Dean. Let's do this."


	12. Return to normal

"Yes….yes…I am completely serious, Sammy. You and Jess are going to meet us in Pennsylvania tonight," Dean explained to his little brother on the phone with a wide grin.

He threw his head back with laughter, "Yes. It is THE Castiel Novak."

Cas sat next to Dean at the dining room table and smiled at the way Deans eyes lit up as he talked to his younger brother. Something told him that he didn't spend much time with him and he was immediately reminded of his own strained relationship with his own brother.

He chuckled lightly when Deans face turned beet red from something Sam said. "Uh, y-yeah," he stuttered before collecting himself, "Just go get packed, bitch."

He hung up the phone and turned to Cas with an embarrassed look still plastered on his face. "What?," Cas asked curiously while trying to hide his own amusement.

Dean shook his head and smiled lightly. "Uh, nothing. He said him and Jess are in. You'll love them," he said with a fond smile.

Cas nodded and smiled back. He loved seeing Dean in such high spirits. A trait he had fallen in love with when he first met him. "I'm sure I will," he said with a small nod.

Dean waved towards Cas's iPhone still sitting menacingly in front of him. "Are you going to call him?," Dean asked with a hint of concern on his face.

Cas nodded and turned his phone back on. He was of course met with dozens of text messages from his mother, Ruby and Jo. He ignored every one of them. He switched to his contacts and let his finger hover hesitantly over Gabriel's name.

Dean ran a comforting hand up and down his back. "You can do it," he said giving him a reassuring smile.

Cas smiled weakly and pressed the call button. He shakily held his phone up to his ear and was surprised when it only took two rings for him to answer.

"Castiel," he answered with concern obvious in his voice, "Are you okay?"

Cas nodded even though he knew Gabriel couldn't see him. "Yes, Gabriel. I'm fine," he answered trying to keep his voice steady.

"Jesus, Cas. I've been trying to call and text you. I haven't heard from you since New York. I've had to follow what you've been up to on the news. Its like a media shit storm. There's something new everyday," he said protectively.

"I know. I know. I should've called. Its just," he hesitated trying to find the right words, "So much has happened in the past week. I wish I could explain it to you. But what I would really like is for you and Kali to join me and a few others on a trip to Pennsylvania."

Gabriel let out an excited laugh. He's missed that sound. "Of course!," he shouted a little too loudly, "When do we leave?"

"Right now. I will order your tickets to depart from Illinois and I'll email them to you," Castiel said with excitement in his own voice.

He could see Dean smiling too in the corner of his eye. "You got it, baby bro! God, this is amazing! I can't wait to see you!," Gabriel continued on.

Cas laughed, "Okay, Gabriel. I'll see you tonight."

"See you then, Cassie," he said teasingly as he hung up.

Cas ran a hand through his hair and turned to Dean who was staring at him with amusement. Cas shrugged half heartedly but continued to smile, "Looks like we're going to Pennsylvania."

XXX

"Would you stop fidgeting?," Cas asked teasingly.

Dean shifted in his seat and started messing with the color on his black button down shirt. "Is it hot in here? Or is it hot in here?," he asked in a panicky voice.

Cas giggled and squinted his eyes. Usually Dean would find that endearing but it was just irritating now. "The air conditioner is on, Dean!," Cas laughed.

Dean shot him an annoyed look and breathed deeply. "I don't think I can do this. We could've just went to Beverly Hills. And there's too many people around me!," Dean yelled in frustration.

Cas was full blown laughing now and tilting his head at Dean who was still fidgeting in the seat across from him. "Dean Winchester. You're still afraid of planes. And besides that, we're on a private plane! There's no one around us," he said in between laughs.

Dean crossed his arms like a child and Cas couldn't help but think how adorable he looked. "I am NOT afraid of planes. I'm afraid of the chances of a plane crash," he said in a huff.

Cas smirked, "You know its like a million to one chance of us crashing, right?," he asked rhetorically.

Dean frowned and shook his head, "Don't talk math to me right now."

The plane began its decent down the runaway and Dean lost it. Cas continued laughing but offered his outstretched hand for support. Dean squeezed his eyes shut but quickly grabbed Cas's comforting hand.

They began to take off into the air and Dean squeezed Cas's hand tightly. "Oh, God. Were gonna die. Were gonna die," Dean repeated until the plane leveled itself.

Cas felt the pressure of Deans hand loosen up as he peeked his eye open. "Is that it?," he asked breathlessly.

Cas chuckled again, "Dean, we literally jumped out of a plane. Why are you so scared?"

Dean shrugged and looked out the window towards the clouds. "I guess it does have to do with Sam. I haven't seen the kid in ages. I think it's been since his college graduation. Now he's in law school on his last year."

Cas reached over and squeezed Deans thighs lightly. "Just a week ago, you taught me to face my fears and I've been living my best life since. I know you can do this," he said seriously.

Dean nodded and smiled weakly. "You're right," he said as he leaned back in his seat and let out a nervous breath.

XXX

"Were alive!," Dean yelled out enthusiastically as he walked down the planes staircase.

"You did exceptionally well with the turbulence and the landing. I think your fears have been conquered," Cas commented as he followed Dean down the stairs.

Dean chuckled lowly as he took his duffle bag from a man awaiting them in front of the stairs, "Lets not get too crazy. We'll see how the return flight goes."

Cas rolled his eyes and took his own duffle bag from one of his workers. "Thank you, Martin. We'll be leaving in two days. Enjoy Pennsylvania as well," he said as he handed Martin a large tip.

Martin nodded and smiled in delight. "Yes sir. Your cars should be here by now," he informed Cas as he turned around to fold up the staircase.

Cas caught up with Dean who was briskly walking into the building in an attempt to get as far away from the planes as he could. "Remember Dean," Cas said as he pulled the airports entrance door open, "You're not a cop this weekend. Just a brother and my boyfriend."

Dean smiled but shrugged coyly, "I'm always a cop, babe. I have to protect you."

Cas laughed and walked along side Dean, "I can protect myself, thank you very much."

Dean nodded in agreement and wrapped his arm around Cas's shoulder as they walked through the airport in the direction to where Sam and Jess's plane would be arriving shortly.

"Yeah but could you blame a guy for always wanting to protect you?," he asked as he looked adoringly at Cas.

Cas felt himself blush while he shook his head, "You're an idiot."

Dean grinned widely and agreed silently. Maybe he was but he knew in that very moment that he was hopelessly in love with Castiel Novak.

XXX

Dean stood anxiously in front of Sam's gate and began to tap his foot as he checked his phone for the time. Cas laid a hand on his shoulder and smiled.

"Castiel?," came a small voice from behind Dean and Cas.

Cas turned around and was met with a frail pretty boy with glasses. His first thought was how much he reminded him of himself. "Yes, sir," Castiel said smiling.

The boy smiled back nervously. "Um, I can't believe you're actually here. You're my hero. You inspired me to come out on my own," he said shyly.

Cas grinned, "That makes me so thrilled to hear!"

The boy looked on the verge of tears as he looked away. Dean gave Cas a confused look as Cas shrugged and knelt down to make better eye contact with the boy. "Hey, what's wrong?," he asked softly.

The boy turned around and re adjusted his glasses. "I just wish people could accept me like they accept you," he spoke quietly.

Cas frowned, "What's your name?"

"Kyle," he almost whispered.

"Well, Kyle. Let me just start off by saying that it really does get better. It does. And if these are your 'friends' that can't seem to accept you then they're not really your friends at all. The best advice I've ever received is to surround yourself with positive people and you'll really see the way your life changes after that. You're destined for awesome things, Kyle. Don't give up," he said as the boy smiled and let a tear fall down his cheek.

The boy gave him a quick hug and turned around to go back to his family. "Thank you, Mr. Novak! I will never forget this moment!," Kyle yelled as he waved.

Castiel stood firmly in his spot and waved back. It was moments like this that made him love his job.

"Wow. That was really amazing," came a voice that definitely wasn't Deans from behind him. He turned around and was met with large brown eyes looking down on him.

Wow. This man was tall. "Its so awesome to meet you, Mr. Novak. I'm Sam, Deans brother and this is my girlfriend, Jess," he said as he held his hand out for him to shake.

Cas shook his hand firmly and smiled back. "Oh, please, call me Cas," he said as he flashed his perfect teeth.

"And you," Cas said turning to the blonde by Sam's side, "are even more beautiful than I thought."

Jess blushed as she smiled back, "It's so great to meet you. Thank you for inviting us."

Cas opened his mouth to reply back but was cut off by a commotion happening behind him. "I know that isn't my favorite little brother!," yelled a disembodied voice that he immediately recognized as Gabriel.

He looked up at Dean who was stifling his laughter under his hand. Cas closed his eyes and peeked one open still not turning around to greet him. "Is he still there?," he whispered to Jess who laughed along with Sam and nodded. "Oh yeah," she replied.

Gabriel grabbed Cas's shoulders and spun him around, pulling him into a tight hug. "I- I can't breathe," Cas coughed.

Gabe reluctantly let go and stepped back to get a good look at Cas. He whistled lowly and smiled. "Man, you look good! Someone must be banging you right," he said as he turned to the Winchester and Jess.

Cas blushed as Gabe and Kali went around the group introducing themselves. "Please tell me you'll control him this weekend," Cas whispered to Kali who laughed like Cas just told the world's funniest joke.

"Oh no," she said as she shook her curly dark hair, "He's your problem now."

Kali caught up to Gabe who was talking animatedly with Jess and Sam. Dean slowed down and intertwined their hands together. "Are you sure you want to do this?," he asked Cas as they walked behind the group.

Cas nodded and smiled, "Guess there's no getting out of this now."


	13. Brothers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've finished mapping out how the rest of the story will go and I am just excited! It will have 22 chapters so we're getting a little closer to the end now. Feel free to leave any reviews! They make my day

"Whoa," Jess said in an amazed whisper as she turned around from the second row of seating in the large Tahoe to look at Cas, "Are we really staying here?"

Cas nodded and felt his heart skip a beat as Dean gave his hand a tight squeeze. "Mhm. This would be my private cabin," he said to Jess who was still staring at the large two story house in wonder.

Cas smiled when Dean leaned over and gave him a sweet kiss on his cheek. He felt glad that Gabe and Kali were in the SUV behind him otherwise he would be hearing a slew of wolf whistles and teasing.

The car came to a stop in front of the house and they all climbed out excitedly. The house was a modern log cabin. It was two stories and had four bedrooms and three and a half bathrooms. It also came equipped with a dock that led to the private lake out back and six jet skis.

"I cant believe you own this place!," Dean yelled out enthusiastically as he grabbed both his and Cas's duffle bags.

"Oh yeah. My baby bro sure does have good taste, huh?," came Gabriel's voice as he walked over with Kali following with their bags.

Cas walked over and helped her with the bags making sure to give Gabe a dirty look. "Gabe, you can't make a woman carry all the heavy weight," he groaned as he lifted Gabe's bag over his shoulder.

Gabe furrowed his brow and looked at Dean who was still holding their bags. He smirked and pointed an obvious finger at Dean. "Well, your boyfriend here looks like he's got the heavy weight just fine," Gabe said sarcastically.

Cas rolled his eyes as Gabe commented, "Well, at least we now know who's pitching and who's catching."

Cas groaned as he threw Gabe's bag into his chest while Sam groaned along with him. "Dude. That's my brother. I totally didn't need to hear that," Sam said as he shook his head.

"You're just jealous, Sammy. Are you in the dog house right now?," Dean asked teasingly as Jess laughed at Sam's expense while he shot both of them his infamous bitch face.

The front door to the house swung open as two average guys walked out. Castiel pretended not to notice their shocked faces as he walked passed them and inside his home.

"Castiel!," the smaller one of the two said nervously as he ran to catch up with Cas who was busy inspecting the place. "We didn't expect you to be here today," he said with anxiety.

Cas mumbled an incoherent response and walked around while the others entered. "Harry. Ed. Please go fetch my friends bags," he said as he waved a hand towards the group.

"Yes, sir!," replied the heavier set boy with glasses as he made it a show of grabbing all the bags at once.

Dean walked up to Cas who was still pacing the living room. "Who are they?," he asked with a hint of amusement leaking through his tone as he watched the boys stumble up the stairs with their bags. It was actually quite funny.

Cas waved a hand dismissively, "Oh. I let them stay here and they clean check any mail and keep paparazzi or intruders away. They're actually quite useful when they're not trying to film you for an episode of, uh, 'Ghostfacers'," Cas explained with air quotes.

Dean stifled a laugh, "What the hell is 'Ghostfacers'?," he asked mimicking Cas's previous air quotes.

"I'm very glad you asked, sir!," a loud voice said from behind Dean, "Maybe we could interest you in being a special guest star, hm?," the small one identified as Harry said excited as he led Dean away from Cas by the shoulders while talking away about his kick ass reality show.

Cas laughed as Dean turned around with pleading eyes. He turned back around and looked at the living room. Everything seemed to be in place still so that was a good sign.

He had a sixty inch flat screen television hanging on the wall over the fireplace. There was also his favorite black Italian leather couches that came as a love seat and sofa that were caddy cornered. In front of the sofa was his handmade imported glass coffee table just like he remembered it.

He looked at the 'People' magazine that was lying there face up on the glass. That he doesn't remember. Cas tilted his head and leaned over to pick it up. On the cover was him and his costar, Mark Sheppard, with their backs against each other and arms crossed along their chests as they made annoyed faces at the camera.

Cas smiled to himself then furrowed his brow. He vaguely recalled he photo shoot for this but couldn't remember every detail. This had to be not even a month ago when this photo was taken. Cas frowned and remembered that was pre- Dean time when he was just moving numbly through his life.

He dropped the magazine back onto the table and shook his head. He didn't like to think about his life before Dean.

"Hey," Sam greeted as he plopped down onto the sofa with Jess following suit, "Are you okay?," he asked concerned.

Cas nodded and managed a wide smile. "Of course I am," he said putting on his acting face once more.

Sam smiled back and looked down at the magazine on the table. Jess reached for it and squealed when she saw Cas on the cover. "This photo is awesome," she said sweetly while smiling at Cas.

Cas smiled back and chuckled. "That's very sweet of you to say," he replied.

Sam chuckled nervously and ran his hands up and down his legs. "Okay. I really can't believe we're sitting here talking to Castiel Novak in Castiel Novak's home," Sam said to Jess and partly Cas while turning red.

Cas felt his own space begin to heat up. "I'm sorry. Its just, me and Dean grew up watching almost everything you were in. Even Barney. And your last movie actually helped us during a tough time when Deans partner passed," Sam explained.

Cas was sure that it was painfully obvious how his face fell. "Sam!," Jess said as she slapped Sam's arm, "He didn't know that!," she said giving Cas an apologetic and sad look.

Cas swallowed down the painful emotion he felt hearing Deans been suffering silently. Why didn't he tell him? He smiled weakly at Sam and Jess, "Would you excuse me?"

They both nodded as Cas walked away and opened the patio door stepping outside into the cool breeze.

XXX

"Yeah, that's really nice, man. But I don't think I'm interested in that," Dean said politely as he gave Harry a friendly slap on the back.

"You sure? We could you a kick ass cop such as yourself. It would really make our ratings go up," Harry said still trying to convince Dean.

"Yeah? And what exactly are your ratings right now?," Dean asked curiously trying to hide the sarcasm in his voice.

"Its all politics, man. You know? We gotta compete with 'Ghost Adventures' and that sexy 'Zac Bagans'," he replied with lazy air quotes complete with eye rolling.

Dean nodded and ran a tired hand down his face. "Alright well I'll be in touch. How does that sound?," he asked, giving in although he knew he had no real intention of being on some dumb reality show.

"Sounds good, hambre!," Harry yelled with enthusiasm while exiting the room.

Dean shook his head and smiled. Harry had led him into the master suite and damn was it nice. There was a four poster king sized bed in the middle, white carpet with a fifty five inch flat screen hanging on the wall across from the bed with a dresser underneath it. There was also an oversized brown leather circular chair next to the bed that spun in a 360 degree angle.

A few feet away from the television was a door that led to Cas's grand bathroom. The guy must have been a big fan of marble judging by the kitchen and now the bathroom. The entire floor was a cascade of beautiful white marble. Dean walked in and was met with a large, oversized bathtub that really just looked like a hot tub and on the other side of that was the walk in shower with morphed glass so you could only see the outline of someone when they were in there.

Dean whistled lowly as he looked around and suddenly he felt extremely out of place. Here he was in a white marble bathroom wearing an old Led Zeppelin t shirt, his working jeans and a pair of old, dirty boots.

"Its nice, isn't it?," said a snarky voice that he could now identify as Gabe's.

Dean turned around and saw Gabe leaning against the bathrooms door frame with his arms crossed against his chest. "Uh, yeah, it's not really what I was expecting," Dean replied.

"Yeah, it's not really Cas's style. Our mother picked this all out," he said with disdain clear in his voice.

"Oh?," Dean asked.

Gabe nodded, "Yep. She's really into all this fancy living shit. Cas is more low key. You should see his house in Illinois. It looks like a trash can compared to this place. He must have really wanted to impress you."

Dean shook his head. That assumption was absurd. Cas didn't need to impress him. "Of course not. He knows I'm not into all of this," Dean said trying to clear his mind.

Gabe raised an eyebrow, "So, if you're not into all of this, then why are you here?," he tested.

Dean furrowed his brow, "Because Cas asked me to come here and I will do anything to make sure he's happy and not hurting."

This answered must have surprised Gabe as he made an impressed face. "I see," he said with his eyes flicking to the floor for a split second before looking back into Deans serious face, "I've just been so worried about him and with him and Ana being in Hollywood."

He froze and had a sad look written all over his face as he tried to find his next words. "And I know that was a suicide attempt and not a drunk accident," he whispered lowly with pain clear in his voice.

Dean heard his breath hitch as his mind went back to the night on the balcony. They remained quiet for a few minutes. Neither one of them wanting to break the silence that laid so heavy in the air.

"Has he called you an idiot yet?," Gabe asked with a hint of joy back in his voice.

Dean nodded and grinned widely. "Yeah. He has actually," he noted.

Gabe laughed and looked at the floor while shaking his head. "Damn. He must really love you," he said more to himself than to Dean.

He felt his heart skip a beat at Gabriel's words but he decided to say nothing and instead suggested that they go join the others. Gabe nodded in agreement and walked out of the bathroom and towards the bedroom door with Dean following.

He turned around as he reached for the doorknob and smiled a genuine smile at Dean. "Thank you," he whispered.

Dean tilted his head, "For what?"

Gabe gave him a knowing look, "For saving him."

Dean shook his head and sighed, "No, Gabe. He's been the one saving me."


	14. Closer

"Yes! You were, Dean!," Sam had managed to shout through his laughter.

They were all sitting around the large, long dining room table and eating pancakes. The first night in the house was a success mostly made up of them all sitting around, drinking and getting to know one another.

Cas had learned that Jess was almost finished with school to become a veterinarian and that Gabe had opened up a second bakery in Illinois. He couldn't help but frown when Gabe told him about his expanding business especially after hearing that it had been open for months.

"I was totally not rejected by the hottest guy in school. I mean look at me. I'm a bombshell," Dean laughed with a sly wink.

Sam shook his head fondly, "It happened, Dean. Just accept that you weren't always as hot as you seem to think you were."

Cas stifled a laugh with his hand as he watched the brothers bicker over who was hotter in high school.

"You guys are such idiots," Jess said while smiling and rolling her eyes.

"But I'm your idiot," Sam commented back as Jess gave him a sweet kiss on the lips, silently agreeing.

Cas smiled at them and couldn't help but feel a twinge of jealousy from inside him. That was what he wanted some day. Unconditional love from someone. He looked up to catch Deans eye from across the table.

He was giving him a sappy smile but let it falter as they made eye contact. Dean coughed nervously and adjusted his plaid shirt.

Cas looked back down at his breakfast and frowned. He of course knew that someone like Dean could never love someone like him. Never in a million years. He felt his heart drop as the annoying voice in his head reminded him that it was back to reality after tomorrow.

Dean would go back to the LAPD and Cas would go back home to Illinois alone. He really hated reality but today he could let himself live in this fantasy world.

"So, what's the game plan today?," Gabe asked as he rubbed his hands together.

"Well actually, Cas, I did want to ask if we could go fishing," Dean said, "The lake out there looks awesome."

Cas shrugged while Kali and Jess moaned collectively.

"What?," Dean asked defensively.

"Fishing is soooo boring," Jess moaned in exaggeration.

Sam shook his head. "Actually, it sounds pretty good. I mean, this is vacation so we should relax," he calmly agreed with Dean.

"Then you guys go do that," Kali said. "I'm sure us girls can find something to get into," she said with a wink to Jess who grinned excitedly.

"Yeah, I'm with the guys. I can use a little R and R right about now," Gabe agreed as he stood up with Dean and Sam following.

"You coming, babe?," Dean asked Cas who was still sitting at the table.

"Actually, I think I'm just going to hang out with the women. Maybe go to town and hit a few stores," he said while Jess and Kali practically jumped out of their seats.

"Are you sure?," Dean asked.

Cas nodded, "One hundred percent. I'm not really into fishing but you guys go have fun and we'll all meet up later."

Dean walked over to where Cas was still sitting and placed his hands gently on Cas's thin shoulders. "Okay, baby. I'll see you later," he said lowly and leaned down to give Cas a sweet and chaste kiss on the lips that made him wanting more.

He turned to Jess and Kali who were making kissing faces at Dean. "Hey," he said as he pointed a finger, "Take care of my baby."

Cas felt his cheeks heat up at Deans public endearment. "Yes, sir," the girls said in unison.

Dean nodded at them before quickly exiting the room to catch up with the guys.

"So, who's ready to shop?," Cas asked with a large smile as the girls squealed like children at Christmas.

XXX

"Harry. Ed. I know you guys feel obligated to be here but we really could have driven our selves," Cas said as he exited the back seat where he and the girls sat together.

Harry shook his head in defiance and closed the passenger door. "No way, boss. Your boyfriend specifically asked us to watch over you guys," he said with a raise of his eyebrow.

Cas smirked and looked at the girls who looked like they were fighting back giggles. "Yeah. And plus it did help that he gave us a pretty big tip," Ed added while walking around the SUV and locking it with the key pad.

Cas rolled his eyes. "Fine. Just try your best to not cause attention to us. Absolutely no promoting your show in here," Cas demanded as he pointed at the awaiting mall.

Ed and Harry nodded and began walking towards the entrance. Cas adjusted his baseball cap and pushed his sunglasses up on his nose. He decided to borrow Deans 'Def Leppard' shirt and a pair of his own tight blue jeans with a small intentional hole in the right knee. He was also wearing an old pair of black converse. He was pleased with his half assed disguise and it seemed to be working, too.

The group walked around aimlessly, only window shopping at first until the girls started pulling him into various stores including Sephora, Ulta, Victoria's Secret and small boutiques.

By the end of it, Cas knew his bank account was a few grand less now. He smiled as he watched the way Kali and Jess talk animatedly about a pair of shoes they found on sale.

He breathed a sigh of relief when they decided it was time to go. He went unnoticed and he was really missing Dean already. They hadn't so much as been away for more than hour from each other since they met.

They walked towards the exit with Harry and Ed following behind. He had both his hooked through Kali and Jess arms while all three of them laughed at a joke Jess had made.

Jess stopped in her tracks as she squealed, once again, with excitement. "Oh my God, Cas! That outfit is so you. You need to try that on right now!," she exclaimed while pointing at a outfit on the mannequin in the window.

It was a denim dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up to the mannequins elbow. The associates had added a dark red tie to the shirt that seemed to make the shirt pop.

The jeans were a nice bootleg cut but it seemed to be tight in all the right places. The shoes were nice black slip ons that looked extremely comfortable.

He nodded and smiled. "Lets go have a look," he said and the girls practically pulled him into the store.

Five minutes later he was looking into the mirror of the small dressing room. Everything fit him perfectly. Even the jeans did just what he thought as he turned to the side to admire the way the jeans practically hugged his ass.

He took off his sunglasses and hat and stepped out, earning whistles from Jess and Kali. Cas laughed and twirled around slowly so the could see he outfit from every angle.

"Damn, Novak! Dean's going to eat you up!," Kali commented while looking him up and down.

Jess giggled and nodded, "Oh yeah. If it's one thing Dean loves is a man in tight jeans."

Cas's heart skipped a beat. There was that word again. Love. He shook himself out of his thoughts and gleamed back at the girls.

"Then I suppose I need to get this," he said, smiling.

It only took him another five minutes to be at the cash register with his new clothes folded neatly in his hands. He placed them on the counter as the bored cashier scanned them without even looking up at Cas.

"That would be five hundred and sixty eight dollars and seventy-five cents," she informed them while sticking her had out.

Cas reached in his wallet and pulled out his black Amex card and handed it to the woman, "Here you go."

The cashier swiped his card and placed his items in a large plastic bag with his new shoes remaining in the box. She looked up finally to hand him back his card and bags. Her jaw dropped, "Oh- Oh my God. You're Castiel Novak."

Cas smiled politely, "Yes, I am." Damn. He forgot he took off his hat and glasses.

"And you're in Pennsylvania," she continued.

Cas kept smiling as the woman went on to tell him how much she loved him. He took a quick selfie with her and wished her a good day as he left.

"Do you ever get tired of that?," Jess asked curiously while Cas adjusted his hat.

He shrugged lightly, "Its all part of the territory." That was partly true but he knew the real truth was he was getting sick and tired of this life. He pushed his dark thoughts down and walked back to the car.

XXX

"How could you let those demons talk us into this?," Dean asked as he got out of the shower and wrapped a towel around his waste. Cas was already dressed and ready to go. He was wearing the exact outfit he bought earlier today.

Somehow Jess and Kali had managed to convince the guys to go to a nightclub that they had seen on the way home. So now Cas was at his dresser adjusting his Rolex watch on his wrist.

He could hear Dean shuffling around in the bathroom trying to get ready. "What can I say? Both our sister-in-laws are very persistent," he replied back.

He listened closely as Dean struggled to put his blue jeans on with damp legs. "I know, I know. I'm just worried you'll get mobbed," Dean mumbled.

Cas turned and looked in the full length mirror and smiled to himself. The outfit still looks the same. He just hoped Dean liked it as much as the girls said he would.

Dean walked out of the bathroom, adjusting his light green Henley on his shoulders when he looked up at Cas.

His eyes widened a bit as he gestured at him with stunned green eyes. "Um. Wow, Cas. You look," he stopped and cleared his throat, "You look gorgeous."

Cas smiled shyly and cursed himself for blushing over something so simple. "As do you," he replied.

They stood a few feet apart for a few minutes. Neither one of them taking their eyes off the other one for even a second. Dean took a tentative step forward and Cas felt butterflies in his stomach the way Dean was looking at him so hungrily

Dean got closer and placed a hand on Cas's cheek and pulled him in closer. Their lips were only a few inches away now. Cas fluttered his eyes closed as he felt Deans lips barely touch his.

"Oh, Cassie!," called Gabe from downstairs.

They both sighed and chuckled at Gabe's interruption. "Lets get this over with," Dean said quietly and Cas nodded although he could only think about getting Dean home as quick as humanly possible.

XXX

The club was already loud and crowded when they arrived. There was a large line that turned to the side of the building as people hoped to get inside. The girls groaned as they saw the size of the line. "We probably won't even be able to get in," Jess whined as she held Sam's hand.

Everyone's faces turned grim while they looked at each other, disappointed, except for Gabriel. "Uh uh," he said with a wag of his index finger, "We, ladies and gentlemen, have a celebrity with us which means that we skip lines."

Jess and Kali's faces lit up. "I don't think that's a good idea, man. I mean, this is supposed to be low key," Sam spoke up ignoring his girlfriends puppy dog face.

"Just watch and learn," Gabe snapped as he pulled Castiel towards the bouncer.

They walked over to where a large, bald man stood with his arms crossed. Castiel scanned the line quickly and secretly prayed no one would notice him. His eyes landed on a tall man with dark hair that seemed to defy gravity by swooping up. The man winked at him ash turned his attention back to Gabe and the bouncer.

"Back of the line," the man said without hesitation.

"Are you sure? Do you really want to send CASTIEL NOVAK," Gabe yelled so the crowd could hear his name, "to the back of the line?"

The line erupted into constant chatter while the bouncer looked Cas up and down before nodding and moving the red rope out of the way to let the group in.

"Never let him go, Dean," said Sam while they walked in.

Dean smiled, "Oh, I don't plan on it."

XXX

They sat around a large, circle booth in the VIP section while a waitress continued bringing them bottle after bottle of their best vodka. Dean noticed the way the woman lingered around Cas and how her hand rested on his shoulder a second too long.

The music switched from a hip hop song that Dean definitely couldn't identify to an older pop song that he would never admit to knowing or even liking.

Jess and Kali screamed as they stood up quickly to venture out to the dance floor. "Cas! You have to come dance!," Jess yelled over the music as she pulled on his arm.

Cas shook his head, "You girls go have fun!"

"No! You have to!," Kali added.

Cas looked at Dean who was sitting and looking amused. The bastard. He leaned over and kissed Dean softly. He pulled away slowly and gave him a devilish smile while Jess and Kali pulled him out to the dance floor with them.

Cas thinks the song playing is 'I like it' by Enrique Iglesias. He had heard it a few times before and thought it as rather catchy. The girls began to dance wildly with their hands above their heads.

Cas tried to copy but just felt awkward so instead he decided to just sway his hips along to the beat. He felt eyes on him as he got more and more into the music.

He closed his eyes and let all his stress melt away. Then he felt a pair of hands on his hips that swayed with him in time and pulled him closer to grind against him. Dean. He smiled and rubbed slowly against his growing erection.

He laughed as he playfully grinder into him a bit harder. Cas turned around expecting to see Deans bright eyes looking down on him but was only met with brown ones.

"Turn back around," the strange man tried to say seductively.

"You're not Dean!," he yelled and pushed against the strangers chest.

The man quickly grabbed both of Castiel's wrists in one hand and sneered down at him. It was the same man from before in the line.

He felt his stomach turn in disgust as the man whispered in his hear, "I can be whoever you want me to be."

Cas tried to pull away but was only overpowered by the man who was now peering at him with a sinister gleam in his eyes. Cas tried to scream but didn't need to as he met green angry eyes running right towards him.

The man screamed in pain as Deans fist connected with his jaw. Cas closed his eyes and tried not to feel joy when he heard the unmistakable sound of his jaw breaking. He fell to the floor swiftly and held his broken jaw with his hand.

Dean looked down on him for a split moment before capturing Cas's hand and pulling him into the cool night air. "What were you thinking?!," he yelled not caring about any looks he got from onlookers.

"I- I thought it was you. I tried to push him away but he was too strong," Cas explained with a choked sob.

"You're never leaving my sight," Dean said as he took a step closer.

"Why?," Cas asked out of curiosity.

And maybe it was all the alcohol he consumed tonight or maybe it was the adrenaline rush he still had going or maybe it was even the way the moon shined off Cas's eyes making them appear larger and more blue but Dean couldn't help himself.

"Because I love you, you idiot," he said frustrated. "And it's not just that I love you. It's the fact that I am one hundred percent in fucking love with you. Its only been a week but I can feel this is real. You're real, Cas. And I love you," he confessed.

Cas tried to hide his shock but knew he was failing miserably at it. "I love you, too, Dean Winchester," he said finally smiling.

Dean smiled just as widely back and picked Cas up in a quick, swooping motion. Cas wrapped his legs around Deans waist as he spun them around in a fit of pure joy. "Good. Now let's get you home."


	15. Bed Peace

Dean pushed Cas into the bedroom and closed the door swiftly with his foot. He took a hungry look at Cas and licked his lips. "I want you," he admitted as he took a closer step towards him.

Cas heard his own breath hitch while he nodded enthusiastically. "Take me," he whispered, ready.

Dean gave him his best smirk as he threw his Henley off and pulled his plain black t that was under it, over his head.

Cas let his eyes sweep down Deans perfect body. He knew that he would never get tired of worshipping that body. And the v lines just above his public bone drew him crazy. He so desperately wanted to dip his thumbs into the dimples that were screaming his name.

Cas unbuttoned his new dress shirt with shaky hands and watched as Deans eyes glazed over with lust. He took his brown leather belt next and took his time taking it off.

Dean could feel his heart beating wildly in his chest as he watched Cas remove his clothes slowly. He was now left with a painful erection that was pushing against his jeans. He needed Cas and he needed him now. He took quick strides across the room until he was standing directly in front of the only man he wanted.

He took his face in his hands and stared deeply into those stormy blues that he considered to be home. Cas stretched his lips to meet Deans as Dean tugged on Cas's boxer briefs to pull them the rest of the way down.

Cas gasped as the air hit him while his erection sprung free. Dean placed his hands on his chest and pushed him onto the bed. He bent slowly down onto his knees and looked up at Cas with eyes hooded with lust.

He wrapped a gentle hand around Cas and began to rub him slowly. Cas moaned as Deans hand worked like magic around his length. He placed a hand in Deans hair and gasped again as he felt the warmth of Deans mouth surround him.

Dean relished in the feeling of knowing that he was the one making Cas come undone. Cas moved Deans head up and down with his hand and began to chant his name like a prayer. "Fuck," he moaned, "I want to feel you."

Cas released his hair and pulled him up onto the bed with him where he slid Deans jeans and boxers all the way off. Dean straddled Cas and stared down into his beautiful blue eyes before leaning down and giving him a kiss wasn't as heated as it had been earlier.

He took his time with it this time. Like it would be their last time. "I love you," he whispered sweetly.

Cas gave a small smile," I love you, too," he whispered back. He flipped Dean onto his back quickly and smiled triumphantly.

"I'd like to make love to you now," Cas said, still whispering. Deans eyes widened a bit as he nodded. Cas leaned down and kissed him softly on his forehead as he dug in the top drawer of his bedside table.

He pulled out lube and a condom before drawing back from Dean to prep him. Dean caught his eyes as Cas opened his legs slowly. He poured lube over two fingers before gently circling Deans puckered hole with his index finger.

Dean gripped the bed sheets in his hands and gasped quietly at the cold contact on him. He could feel the way Cas worked his finger in ad out of him swiftly before adding another finger and doing the same.

His moans started getting louder when Cas introduced a third finger inside him. "Oh God," he whispered in agony. He just wanted Cas inside him right this second.

Cas was panting hard above him but still taking his time. It was almost enough to push Dean over the edge when Cas found his prostate. "Ah," he cried as soon as Cas hit it.

"Are you ready for me?," Cas whispered as Dean nodded, unable to think of words at the moment. Cas looked down at him with a mixture of lust and love as he tore the condom open with his teeth before rolling it onto himself.

Dean moaned at just the image. He raised his hips a bit as Cas aligned himself with his ready entrance. "I love you," Cas said as he stared into Deans green eyes while they glowed with want.

He put his hands on both sides of Deans head and pushed himself in slowly. He watched as Deans mouth fell open and his eyes dropped closed. Cas bottomed out completely and placed his forehead on Deans.

"Are you okay?," he whispered after a few seconds. "Move," Dean replied back.

Cas licked his lips and began to move his hips, filling Dean in every way possible. "Faster," Dean whispered in more of a demand.

Cas obeyed and pumped harder in and out of him. He let out a loud moan as Dean tightened around him when he hit his prostate over and over.

Dean ran his fingernails down Cas's back as he moaned his name. Cas could feel the heat building up and he knew it wouldn't last long. "Dean, I'm gonna..," he said with a strained voice while his hand wrapped around Deans throbbing cock.

"Oh, Cas," Dean whispered as he came all over his chest. Cas followed soon after a couple more strokes and cried out as he rode his orgasm out.

He looked down at Dean who still had his eyes closed. Cas smiled and kissed his nose gently as he pulled out. He grabbed Deans boxers from the end of the bed and handed them to Dean who sat up slowly.

Dean watched as Cas discarded the condom in the trash bin by the bed while he stood up and pulled on his boxer briefs before disappearing into the bathroom.

He came back a minute later with a warm wash cloth to clean Deans chest up. Dean smiled fondly as Cas wiped up and down with the wash cloth.

Cas slid in bed next to Dean and laid his head on his chest while Dean wrapped his arm around Deans shoulders. They stayed quiet for a few minutes before Dean spoke up.

"I really do love you. And I'm sorry for being so jealous. Its just that you're you and I'm me. Were from two very different worlds," he admitted.

Cas closed his eyes. Oh no. He was not ready for this conversation. Not now. "I love you just the way you are, Dean."

Dean sighed and ran a hand through Cas's hair. "I know but aren't you scared?," he asked.

Cas furrowed his brow to himself. He didn't understand. "Scared? Of what?"

He could feel Deans shoulders shrug up and down before answering, "Of the world."

"I stopped being scared once I met you," Cas replied without hesitation.

Dean felt his heart flutter at Cas's words but he decided to say nothing. He knew Cas thought of him as the brave one but it was the other way around. In all honestly, Dean was scared as hell.

Cas rubbed his hand along Deans chest as he listened to rise and fall of it. "How did your partner die?," he finally asked.

Deans breathing hitched as soon as the words left Cas's mouth. "How- how did you know about that?," he asked stunned.

"Sam might have let it slip."

Dean closed his eyes and let his breathing steady again before speaking. "His name was Bobby. He was a bit older than me but I really considered him like a father to me. We got a call for a pretty aggressive stalking case in The Valley. The guy had broken the restraining order and had broken into this girls house and kept her hostage at gunpoint," he explained before pausing.

"I told Bobby to stay down when we heard the first gunshot but he d don't listen and he stormed in the house. He was shot immediately. I ended up shooting the guy twice in the legs and when I got back to Bobby he was already gone. My dad's been blaming me for his death ever since," he finished with a pained voice.

"I'm sorry, Dean. I had no idea," Cas whispered with a tear threatening to spill out of his watery eye.

He felt as Dean nodded and sighed. "Yeah. Well, not something I like to talk about but I'm okay. I'm still healing."

Cas decided not to say anything and eventually fell asleep to the rhythmic sound of Deans breathing. The last thing he remembers was a quiet 'I love you' hanging in the air.

XXX

"Aw, I'm so sad that this mini vacation is over!," Jess cried as she wrapped her arms tight around Castiel.

Cas rubbed her back and squeezed tighter. "There will be other times."

She smiled and nodded as she let go. All six of them stood in the middle of the airport with their bags around them. Gabe and Kali were going back to Illinois and Sam, Jess, Cas and Dean were going to California.

Sam and Jess decided to take a separate flight than Dean and Cas but Dean made Sam promise him that he'd care.

Cas walked up to Gabe and gave him a light hug before pulling away. "Please, take care of him, Kali. I'll be home soon."

Kali nodded and grabbed Gabe's hand as they walked to their gate. "I love you, Cassie! No more news articles please!," Gabe called when he turned his head back. Cas nodded and smiled as he gave a small wave.

Cas turned back around to see Dean and Sam hugging each other tightly. "Take care, Dean. And thank you for inviting us out here, Cas. It was the most I've seen my brother in years," Sam said with a large smile.

Cas smiled back, "Of course. I hope we can do it again sometime."

"Absolutely," he affirmed as he leaned in for a hug. Cas smiled as Sam wrapped him in a tight hug as well. Then Jess and then Dean. Pretty soon they were all standing in the middle of an airport in a group hug. So this is what having a family must feel like.

XXX

"Look, just because I survived a few plane rides doesn't mean I approve of them," Dean said sternly as they pulled into his driveway.

Cas laughed, "Okay, Dean but if you plan on being with me for a while you're going to have to get used to them."

"We can drive to places. No problem," he said smiling as he held open the car door for Cas.

Cas shook his head as he picked up his bag and got out. "I don't think so. You've got to learn..".

He stopped mid sentence as he looked up to see a familiar red head standing in front of Dean's front door. He felt his world moving in slow motion as he dropped his bag to the ground.

He whispered, "Ana."


	16. The worst

"What the hell are you doing here, Ana?," Cas spat venom as he spoke.

"I'm only here to fix you, Castiel. You're very sick. But we can fix this," she spoke quickly as she walked towards him.

Cas tensed up as his mother laid a shaky hand on his cheek. "Please. What you're doing here is wrong. We can get you into the very best mental health clinic in Los Angeles and we can call the press to tip them off that you'll be going there. Huh? How does that sound, sweetie?," she asked rhetorically.

"Stop!," Cas yelled as Ana visibly flinched. "What is wrong with you, Ana? It's over!"

Ana gulped while she dropped her hand, her eyes staring at the ground. "I see," she said quietly.

Cas looked her up and down. He could see her twitching randomly and moving her hands more often than usual. She turned and looked at Dean.

"You," she said coldly as she pointed an accusatory finger at Dean, "This is all your fault!"

Dean held his hands up protectively. "Ana," he spoke calmly, "This is clearly between you and Castiel."

She shook her head fiercely with wide eyes. "No. No. No. Its supposed to be but you took him away! You took Balthazar away!"

"Ana! Stop! Dean played no part in this. It was all me. I was never in love with Balthazar but I am with Dean," Cas confessed.

"How could you, Castiel? Why would you throw your life away for some cop? You're ruining everything!"

Cas had enough. He wasn't going to stand there and let his mom try to tear him down after he had spent so much time building himself back up.

He walked quickly up to her and grabbed her wrist, "Listen," he spoke fiercely, "I'm done with Hollywood and all the head games. I'm done pretending to be someone that I'm not and I'm done with the image that was created for me. When do I get a chance to be me? Huh?"

Ana looked away, "Castiel. I am standing here and begging you. Please, come home or I will be forced to take further actions."

Cas let go of her wrist and stepped back, "This isn't home. Its never been home. Please leave before I ask that Dean call for backup and I won't be bailing you out again."

Ana looked desperately between Cas and Dean before sighing sadly and walking to her car parked in front of the curb. "Okay, Castiel. But remember, you asked for me to do this," she said as she got in and drove off.

Cas shook his head in disbelief and ran a hand down his face. He felt Deans arms around his neck as he pulled him into another tight embrace.

"Lets get you inside," he whispered. Cas nodded in agreement as they made their way into the comfort of Deans home.

Dean dropped their duffle bags by the doors and rubbed Cas's shoulders. "Are you okay?," he asked.

"I will be," he smiled tightly.

"I'm really sorry you had to go through that," Dean continued.

Cas turned around and placed a soft kiss on Deans nose. "It's okay. I'm used to it."

Dean nodded and seemingly gave up. He figured Cas would talk when he wanted to. "Okay. How about a shower then?," he asked with a wiggle of his eyebrows.

Cas laughed and smiled. "I would love that."

XXX

"So, is your brother usually that intense?," Dean asked curiously.

He laid on Cas's chest on the couch, eating popcorn out of a big bowl. There was some romantic comedy on that he loved. They both had on sweats and band t shirts. Cas smiled at the image. He's never felt so normal in his entire life.

"Uh, usually he's more than that. You just saw his sweet side," Cas said while laughing.

Dean shook his head, "No way! That dude was a total Liam Neeson type."

Cas laughed again, "Don't tell him that unless you want him to have a bigger head."

Dean chuckled and turned his attention back to the television. 'Legally blonde' was playing on cable and he couldn't be happier watching his favorite movie with his favorite person.

"So, where's your dad at?," he asked after a few minutes.

Cas shrugged nonchalantly, "Don't know. He left my mom when she got pregnant. I guess two kids was too much for him."

Dean felt his heart tighten. "Well, he's an idiot. Can I ask you a question?," he asked as Cas ran a hand trough his hair and tugged on the ends occasionally.

Cas stopped, "Of course."

"What do you think you'd be doing right now if you weren't an actor or famous?"

"Honestly?," Cas asked before continuing, "Id probably be a teacher. Be settled down and maybe have a kid or two."

Dean smiled to himself as he imagined Cas in a domestic setting as he described. Then he couldn't help himself imagining it was him Cas settled down with and had kids with. What would they look like? Where would they live? What would be their names?

He shook his head quickly. Of course, it was only fantasy. He knew that could never be their reality and the thought only was enough to feel like a punch to the gut.

"What the hell?," he faintly heard Cas saying.

"What's up?," he asked looking up at Cas who had a perplexed look on his face.

"My mother," he explained pointing at the screen.

Dean turned to see what he was talking about and saw Ana and another woman at a small table across from each other.

Dean grabbed his remote and turned the volume up louder. He just saw Ana not even six hours ago. What was going on?

The woman sitting across from Ana spoke up," This is Bela Talbot with E! News coming to you live from the studio here in Los Angeles where we are joined by Ana Novak, Castiel Novak's mother."

Cas's head shot appeared on the screen for a few seconds before fading away. "Castiel Novak has been all over the news recently, hasn't he?," the woman spoke in a snarky British accent.

"From public assaults to drunken falls and even to new hot beaus. We've tried to call him for interviews but he's never returned them but we are just thrilled to have his mother here for this tell all interview on Castiel," she said while smiling into the camera as Ana nodded along.

"What in the hell does she think she's doing?!," Cas said angrily at the T.V a and to himself.

Dean said nothing as he turned his attention back to the interview.

"Now, I'd like to start off by asking where is Castiel now?," Bela asked maintaining her perfect fake smile.

"Well, he actually should be in therapy right about now," Ana replied as she scratched her arm subtlety.

Bela's eyebrows shot up, "Oh? Therapy? What for?"

"His depression," she answered with a small grin on her face.

"Castiel Novak has depression? What caused it? You can't even tell by looking at him."

Cas felt his fist tighten as he watched his mother play Hollywood's favorite game.

Ana placed her small hand on her chest as she pretended to choke back a sob. "Balthazar caused it. He was hopelessly in love with the boy and then he goes and cheats on him. It really is hard for anyone in that situation to keep going," she explained wiping away a nonexistent tear.

Bela nodded along and offered Ana a tissue. "So is that what caused the fight between Officer Dean Winchester and Balthazar?," she continued ruthlessly with her questions.

Ana played along and nodded sadly. "Yes. Dean was trying to defend my son and it got heated."

Dean shook his head and looked at Cas incredulously. "Are you fucking hearing this? She's talking out of her ass. I know that's your mom but..," Dean trailed off as the screen faded to the video of Cas dangling off the hotel balcony.

He could hear Cas gasp softly as he re watched he scene.

"The night of incident that everyone wants to know," Bela said looking seriously into the camera before turning to Ana, "What happened?"

Ana let out a shaky breath and smiled weakly. "Ms. Talbot, have you ever loved someone so much that just their entire being consumes you?"

Bela nodded grimly, "Of course."

"Well this is my dear Castiel's case. He was desperate for Balthazar's love. So desperate. And when he couldn't get it he just wasn't himself. I watched the Castiel I know disappear before my very eyes. But that night," she looked down.

Cas could feel the knot in his throat growing as everyone waited for her to continue her answer.

She looked back up to the camera with tears running down her face. "That night was really only a drunken accident. Balthazar had just kissed him in front of the world. He got upset, he drank and he almost fell," she finished.

Cas and Dean both let out a breath.

"Well, thank you so much for being here with us tonight, Ana. That concludes tonight's interview. Thanks to everyone who tuned in. Goodnight," Bela said and stood up to give Ana a light hug.

"I cant fucking believe her!," Cas yelled angrily as he pushed himself off the couch.

"Hey, it's okay," Dean said calmly as he rubbed Cas's arm.

"No! It's absolutely not okay!," he cried out in frustration.

"She can talk about me all she wants but you are off limits. I'm going to go straighten this out," he said turning to head for the front door.

Dean grabbed his arm and spun him back around to face him. "No, you're not. I know you're mad. I know you're frustrated but there's nothing you can do about it tonight. Let's just get some rest. I have to be back to my day job in the morning, remember?"

Cas sighed and nodded slowly, "I guess you're right."

Dean wrapped his arm around his shoulders and walked him to his bedroom where they laid down in silence.

"It'll be okay," Dean whispered as he continued holding Cas.

Cas wasn't sure if it would be okay anymore but he let Dean hold him through the night. He listened to the once comforting sound of his light snoring and all he could think about was confronting his mother.


	17. Hollywood Curse

"Cas? Cas?," Dean whispered while shaking his shoulder lightly.

"Huh?," Cas asked as he sat up in bed slowly. It was still dark outside. He turned his head and saw it was only five in the morning.

"Hey, I have to go to work now. Feel free to stay here. I'd actually prefer it but I'll be back around seven or eight tonight. Okay?," Dean said as he buttoned up his uniform.

Cas smiled weakly as reality hit him. And of course he couldn't ask him to stay with him.

"Okay, Dean. I'll turn my phone on. Please don't hesitate to call me."

Dean nodded and leaned in to give Cas a goodbye kiss. "Don't worry about your mom. It will all blow over," he tried to assure him.

"Okay," Cas whispered as he laid back in bed and watched as Dean left.

XXX

"So, we're on patrol together now?," Dean asked as he sat in the passenger seat of his dad's patrol car.

John nodded, "Yep. Its my last week after all so I figured that we could have a bit of fun together. And maybe next week you'll be in my place."

Dean pursed his lips as he looked out the window. Today was not going to be a good day.

XXX

Cas walked around Deans house aimlessly. He's never woken up and had nothing to do or someone to wait for. The whole thing was foreign to him.

He had already taken a shower and eaten breakfast. He sat down on the couch in the living room and pulled his phone out of his pocket.

He sighed as he turned on his phone and was once again met with all the messages and missed calls that flooded in. He quickly scanned through them in hopes of seeing Deans name pop up among them.

Nothing yet. He shook his head to himself and switched on the television. Maybe something mindless could take his mind off of everything.

Cas flipped through channels quickly and stopped when he saw the familiar interview from last night re playing on the screen. He tightened his fist up as all his anger from the night before came rushing back to him.

He turned the channel but instead was met with multiple channels offering their ideas on Castiel or the interview. News report after news report was playing. He felt his mind go foggy with anger as the voices played over in his mind.

"Well I just believe that Castiel is simply cracking under the pressure of Hollywood," one woman offered as a group of them sat around a large table on a stage.

"Yes, I agree. He's just not the Castiel Novak that had once ruled. He's experiencing the Hollywood Curse and breaking. Its as simple as that," another woman added.

"I feel awful that his mother has to deal with that daily."

"No!," Cas stood up, screaming at the screen.

He paced up and down the living room re playing the day before over and over in his mind. He remembered Ana being less fluent in her movements and the way she scratched her arm during the interview.

"Oh, no," he whispered as he ran a hand down his face.

Cas ran to where the SUV keys were hanging up by the door and ran out of Deans house. He needed to get to his mother.

XXX

Cas pulled up to the big two story house that he bought his mother years ago in The Valley. It wasn't in a private area but right now he couldn't bother to be concerned if the neighbors could hear.

He parked his car in the driveway and jumped out, running to the door. "Ana!," he screamed as he beat on her front door.

"I know you're in there, Ana!," he continued to yell as he beat on the door mercilessly.

The red head who was once so vibrant and alive opened the door slowly. Her hair was tied up in a messy bun and her makeup was running from having slept in it. She wore a long sleeved black t shirt and shorts.

"I guess you saw the interview," she said with a twitch of her head.

Cas nodded and pursed his lips. "Obviously. What is this?," he asked gesturing to her long sleeves, "Its summer."

Ana looked from side to side nervously. "Castiel. I'm sure you didn't just come over here to criticize my clothing choice," she replied anxiously.

Cas ran another hand down his face as he gave his mother a heartbreaking look. "You're using again."

Ana shook her head defensively while stepping outside more and shutting the front door. "No. No. How could you say that?"

"Don't fucking lie to me!," he screamed.

"I most certainly am not! I'm fixing your mistakes!," she yelled back as she shoved Cas's chest.

"How does that make any sense?! Look at yourself!," Cas cried out in desperation.

XXX

"Slow day, huh?," John asked Dean as they sat in the car eating lunch.

Dean nodded and took a drink of his soda.

"We have a code 415 in progress at 1022 pine brook road in The Valley. All officers in the area must respond immediately," came a dispatch voice from the scanner.

John dropped his burger in the take away bag. "This is Officer John and Dean Winchester responding. Were on our way," John replied as he put the car in drive and sped off.

"Finally, some action," John said excitedly as he slapped Deans leg.

XXX

"Please, let me get you some help," Cas pleaded.

"I don't need any god damn help!," Ana screamed as she pulled a gun that she was hiding under her shirt.

She raised her shaky arms and pointed it right at Cas. He raised his hands and didn't dare to say anything else.

They stood in the front yard like that for a few seconds before police sirens could be heard approaching quickly. Cas sighed a small breath of relief as they pulled up.

"Freeze!," one officers voice screamed with familiarity.

Ana stayed in her position and kept the gun directed at Cas's chest. "Why are you doing this?," Cas whispered loud enough for her to hear.

"Because you ruined us! You ruined everything!," she screamed.

"What did I ruin?"

"You ruined our only chance at happiness. You ruined my life! All I wanted to do was fix you!," She screamed again, getting more agitated by the second.

"I said don't move!," the officer yelled gruffly again.

"What were you expecting to fix? The fact that I fell hopelessly in love with someone who wasn't Hollywood enough for you? Or is it because you're all alone now?," Cas questioned.

"No!," Ana yelled through gritted teeth. She took a small step towards Castiel.

"Get the fuck on the ground!," came Deans voice. Dean. Cas turned his head quickly and was met with Dean and his father surrounding them with their own guns drawn on Ana.

"I'm sorry, Castiel," she said lowly as she turned to Dean and pulled the trigger.

"No!," Cas yelled.

He watched Dean closely and waited for him to hit the ground. It never came. Instead, the gun only clicked when she attempted to take her shot. It was empty.

It felt like everything was happening in slow motion as John tackled Ana to the ground and handcuffed her. Dean ran up to Cas and placed his head in his hands. "Please, tell me you're okay," he repeated as he turned his head from side to side to get a good look at him.

Cas felt as the tears began to run unforgivingly down his face. "I'm okay," he whispered.

Dean looked Cas up and down once more. "Dean!," John yelled from behind them.

Dean tore his eyes away from Cas and watched as John threw Ana in the backseat and slammed the door shut. She cried as she mouthed 'I'm sorry' at Castiel.

Cas looked away from her and back at Dean. "Listen, I want you to go back to my place. Please. I'll be home as soon as I can. Okay?," he pleaded.

Cas nodded in defeat, "Okay, Dean."

Dean placed a small kiss on Cas's cheek as he walked away.

XXX

"So, this day didn't exactly go as I expected," John commented as he sat on the hood of Deans Impala outside of the police station.

Dean leaned on it next to him. "Yeah, you're telling me."

John gave a troubled sigh and turned to Dean, placing a heavy hand on his shoulder. "We need to talk."


	18. Carry On

"What do we even need to talk about?," Dean asked in annoyance.

He needed his dad to hurry up with this conversation so he could get home to Cas. He must feel so alone and abandoned right now.

John sighed again as he gave Dean an earnest look. "I didn't realize this thing with Castiel was that important," he started.

Dean shrugged and avoided his dad's gaze. "Yeah, well," he replied. He knew what was coming but he didn't have the type of strength that Cas had to disobey his parent.

"God. What were you thinking getting mixed up in all of this?," John asked with the frustration becoming more apparent in his voice.

Dean opened his mouth to defend himself but was cut off quickly with John raising a finger. "You weren't thinking, Dean. You weren't thinking of your career, you weren't thinking of your future and you damn sure weren't thinking about your reputation."

"I don't care about any of that stuff, dad. I fell in love and I don't know what else you want me to say," Dean replied defensively.

John shook his head. "You're not thinking clearly. This is not the type of shit that the next chief of the LAPD needs to be mixed up in. And not to mention how much you embarrassed me today already. I mean, that guys a train wreck."

Dean tightened his fist that was sitting in his lap. "Don't talk about him like that," he said through gritted teeth.

"Hey! I'm only looking out for your best interest, son. You've been working your whole life for this moment. For this promotion. There will be guys that come and go but he is not right for you," John continued.

"And how do you know that?," he asked bitterly. He could feel the way his stomach twisted uncomfortably at Johns words.

"Because I know you and I know what's best for you. You both are in two completely separate lives and worlds. Only chaos happens if you try to collide them together," he said as he stared at Dean through hard eyes.

Dean sat silently for what felt like hours. He couldn't do what his dad was asking him to do. He needed Cas more than Cas needed him. Why couldn't he understand that?

And what was wrong with him? Why couldn't he find the courage to tell his dad how he feels and what he wants?

"I'm sorry. I can't do it, dad. I can't," he choked out finally.

John slid off the hood and faced Dean with crossed arms and a stony gaze. "I'm not asking. Now that's an order or don't bother coming back tomorrow."

Dean looked up with watery eyes and watched as John disappeared back into the station. He placed his head in his hands and let a few tears fall.

He looked up again and wiped his eyes with his hands. If he had to do this then he had to do it right. He pulled out his cell phone and dialed a number and placed the phone against his ear.

He listened to the echo as the phone rang shrilly in his ear before someone answered with an odd "Hello?"

"Hi, Jo? This is Dean Winchester. I need a favor from you."

XXX

Dean walked through the front door of his small home but didn't expect to see what he saw next.

Cas was in the kitchen making dinner with a small smile on his face. He looked up to see Dean and his entire face lit up with joy. "Dean," he smiled widely.

"Cas," he nearly whispered. He knew this was the last time he would ever get to see pure happiness on Cas's face and he wanted to savor every single second of this moment.

Cas took quick strides to meet Dean in the hallway between the kitchen and living room. He threw his arms happily around Deans neck and kissed him deeply.

He pulled away and smiled weakly at Cas. He watched closely as his blue eyes seemed to dance around. He didn't want to think of what they would look like within the hour.

"I made spaghetti," he said proudly.

Dean chuckled and smiled back. "You didn't have to do that."

Cas shrugged, "But I wanted to."

Dean felt his heart twist as Cas told him that he loved him. Dean averted his eyes to the ground. It was selfish of him to want to have this moment with Cas.

"Can we- can we talk about today?," he stuttered.

Cas nodded along. "Of course. I figured we would." He walked away from Dean and sat on the couch.

Dean tried to not let his emotions get in the way as he followed Cas and sat on the opposite end of the couch. Cas gave him an odd look complete with a head tilt when he finally noticed Dean was avoiding him.

"I'm sorry you had to witness what you did today and I would also like to apologize for leaving without telling you first," Cas said breaking the thick silence between them.

"It's not that, Cas. I'm so happy that you came out unhurt. I don't know what I would have done if she actually hurt you," Dean said trailing off.

"She pulled the trigger on you," he pointed out.

Dean nodded and attempted to swallow down the huge knot in his throat. "But I'm okay."

Cas smiled, "And I couldn't be happier."

Dean looked away from Cas before he could tell him that he loved him again. It would be too dangerous too hear right now.

"Is everything alright, Dean?," Cas asked with concern.

Dean took a deep breath. It was his turn to act now. "No, Cas. Its not. Its-," he paused refusing to look up, "Its over."

He heard Cas's breath hitch harshly. "What?," he finally replied quietly.

Dean closed his eyes tightly. "I said it's over. I fixed you, your mom's out of the picture and now you can go back to your perfect life," he said harsher than he intended but he just need Cas gone.

"I don't understand. You said you loved me," Cas choked out.

Dean resisted the urge to look up and take him in his arms and take back everything he said. He decided to stay quiet as he listened to Cas's quiet sobs.

"Please, Dean. Tell me why would you call this love if you knew that it wasn't? I am in love with you!," he cried out.

Deans head shot up and met Cas's water filled eyes. "Don't say that, Cas. Please, don't say that."

"I was weak then and you knew it. Why are you doing this?," he whispered.

"Cas, you need to go back to your life. Just forget that I ever existed. You'll be better off without me," he begged.

Cas wiped away the tears that fell freely on his face. He crossed his arms and searched Deans face for a hint of his true emotions. He didn't see any.

He stood up from the couch and sighed sadly, "If I didn't know any better I'd say you were the professional actor."

Dean felt his heart pounding hard in his chest like it was breaking in half. He watched as Cas turned and left to presumably pack his stuff up. Dean placed his head in his hands and let himself sob quietly.

XXX

"My drivers here. I'm going back to Illinois," Cas said sadly as he threw his large duffle bag over his shoulder.

His eyes were irritated and red from all the crying he had done in the past hour. Dean nodded and walked up to Cas slowly.

He stuck out his hand to place on his shoulder but stopped when Cas closed his eyes and flinched. He dropped his hands and placed them in his pockets.

Cas turned to leave and grabbed the door knob before Dean spoke. His voice slicing the thick tension like a kitchen knife.

"Cas?," he said with his voice cracking.

Cas didn't turn around. "What?," he asked coldly.

"I didn't lie about loving you."

Cas's shoulders shook from a low chuckle. "It's too late for that. And congratulations on the promotion," he said sarcastically and walked out of the door without looking back.

Dean watched as his heart broke on his front porch as he familiar black SUV sped off into the night. "Cas," he whispered as a stray tear rolled down his cheek.

XXX

Cas sat on his private airplane and looked across at the empty seat. He felt his heart pounding as he remembered the way he had to hold Deans hand just to get him to sit still.

His mouth twitched with a small smile pulling at his lips before he remembered the true reality of their situation. He was mildly glad that he was going home but in the back of his head he had always though that Dean would be along side him.

He turned to look out the window and watched as the city grew smaller and smaller. "Now deporting Los Angeles," his pilot spoke lowly over the intercom.

Cas placed his large hand on the window and whispered, "Dean."


	19. Rise

Cas pulled up to his modest two story home in Pontiac, Illinois. He sighed to himself but couldn't bring himself to cry any more tears today.

He placed his house key in the door and unlocked it, swinging it open gently. He reached for the familiar light switch and turned it on. "Ah!," he screamed in surprise as he noticed Gabe and Jo sitting on his couch a few feet away.

"What the hell is this?," he asked, closing the door and stepping deeper into his home.

They both jumped off the couch quickly and ran up to him, throwing their arms around him. "Welcome home!," they both yelled into his ears.

"Why are you guys here? And how did you know I would be here?," Cas asked with skepticism.

"Always with the questions. You need to lighten up, bro," Gabe replied.

Cas shook his head and sighed. He turned to Jo who was smiling warmly at him. "Jo," he said quietly while leaning in to give her a tight hug.

"Aw, I missed you, Cas," she said with an unsteady voice.

Cas sniffed with his head still placed on her small shoulder and pulled back. "I've missed you as well. How's your father?"

Jo smiled, "He's getting better. My mom's still there. But me and you have a lot to catch up on."

Cas laughed, "Of course. Want a drink?"

Jo nodded, "Don't ask stupid questions."

XXX- 3 days later

Dean woke up on Thursday morning with a pounding hangover. He hadn't been to work since Cas left and maybe that was a good thing. He didn't need to be drunk in the field.

Tonight was his dad's retirement ceremony and his promotion announcement. He grimaced at the thought.

He heard someone banging on his front door hard or maybe it was just his awful hangover. He laid in bed for a few more minutes until he couldn't stand the annoying noise anymore.

He stumbled out of bed and made his way to the door where the sounds were being omitted with no mercy on him or his head. He opened the door and squinted as the lights stung his eyes. "What?," he grumbled.

"Geez, you look like shit," his brother commented from the front porch.

Dean rolled his eyes. "And I feel like it, too. What the hell are you doing here, Sasquatch? Shouldn't you be in school?"

"Don't be a dick, Dean. You know I'm here for yours and dad's event tonight," Sam replied back.

"You shouldn't have came," he mumbled.

Sam chuckled and push his way into Deans home and grimaced. "Dude. What he hell is that smell?"

Dean shrugged as he watched his brother move around his house trying to find where the smell was coming from. His eyes widened as Sam held up a pot of spaghetti with one hand and held his nose with the other.

"Have you never heard of a refrigerator?!," he asked as he chunked the entire thing including the pot into the garbage can and tied it up quickly.

"Cas made me that," Dean said softly.

"Well, it's no good. Where is Cas anyways?," he asked as he looked around.

Dean felt his lip quiver involuntary while he stared at his feet. "He went home. Where he belongs."

Sam raised an eyebrow in disbelief, "What are you talking about? Please don't tell me what I think you are,' he groaned.

Dean shrugged lightly and continued to avoid Sam's heated stare. "Dean! What is wrong with you?"

"I don't know! Okay? Man, I didn't expect it too hurt this much but it does, Sammy. It really fucking hurts."

Sam ran a hand through his long hair and led Dean by the shoulders to sit at the kitchen table. Sam pulled a chair out next to him and sat down.

"Tell me everything."

XXX

"You're being an idiot, Dean," Sam replied as soon as Dean finished telling Sam everything from the past week.

"Seriously? Dude, dad's forcing me into this. You heard him," Dean said defending himself.

Sam scoffed and shook his head. "No, Dean. You're forcing yourself into this."

"No," Dean said disbelievingly, "He said I had to break up with him for my public image and so I could become chief of police."

Sam furrowed his brow and stared at Dean who was squirming under Sam's judgmental stare. "That's not what you want, Dean. It's never been what you want and we both know it."

Dean sighed sadly and let his shoulders sag, "Yeah, I know but I couldn't tell him no. He's dad. I can't disrespect him like that."

Sam chuckled to himself, "Do you think he was happy that I became a lawyer? No. He said, and I quote, 'I hate those god damn defense attorneys always messing with my shit.'"

Dean laughed and shook his head. "Yeah but you were always the brave one."

Sam gave him his best puppy dog eyes, "Dean, that's not true. You may have followed the life path he chose for you but you were brave enough to be yourself. When you came out all those years ago, I remember thinking that you were the most fearless brother in the world. And when he didn't want to accept you, what did you say?"

Dean pursed his lips to fight a smile, "I told him he could go fuck himself."

Sam laughed along with him, "Yeah, you did. I think his face was frozen with shock for at least a week but he came around. I'm not trying to tell you what to do but if you really love Cas like you say you do, you wouldn't let him come in between you. You need to go fight for him."

Dean pushed his chair out from the table and jumped up, "You're exactly right, Sam. And I know just how to do it."

XXX

Dean sat on the stage in front of his peers, family and friends. He searched the crowd and found Sam and Jess sitting next to his mother in the second row.

He felt a large hand slap his back as the commissioner announced John Winchester to the podium. John stood up from next to him and gave the crowd a small wave.

John stepped up to the microphone and cleared his throat,"Twenty-five years sure does go by fast. I've had a lot of ups and downs. Learned a few lessons and put away a lot of bad guys but what I am most happy about was having my son by my side for the past seven years. Its been quite a ride and with that I am thrilled to be honorably retiring as Chief of Police for the city of Los Angeles."

John paused and smiled for a few photographs that were being quickly snapped of him. Dean resisted the urge to roll his eyes and slouch in his chair like a sullen teenager but he couldn't help the resentment he felt for his father right now.

"Now I know there's been a lot of talk on who will take my place once I'm gone and I want to put the rumors to rest now. My son, Officer Dean Winchester, will be taking my place effective next week," John announced while the crowd erupted into a light applause.

"Come up here, Dean," he said proudly as he waved an arm towards Dean.

Dean stood up reluctantly and pursed his lips. He raised his hand in a lazy wave and walked over to where his dad stood. John reached out and gave him a firm hand shake and motion towards the microphone.

Dean shook his head and irritation flashed behind John's eyes. "Don't embarrass me again," he said when he leaned over to Deans ear.

Dean shrugged him off and gave a tight smile. He faced the microphone and cleared his own throat. "Wow. Seven years? That hardly seems like the appropriate amount of time to be anointed as Chief of Police," Dean said sarcastically as the audience laughed.

"What are you doing?," John asked through his teeth as he continued to smile for the crowd.

Dean shook his head and said away from the mic, "Something I should've done a long time ago."

"My dad here is great. He's always been kind, supportive and with a heart of gold," he looked at all the faces smiling in the crowd, "Wait. I'm lying. He has been the exact opposite of that." He tried not to laugh when all the faces fell collectively and John coughed nervously behind him.

"Okay, Dean. I think you've said enough," John mumbled while he pushed Deans chest to get him away from the podium.

Dean stood his ground as his dad continued to get him to back off. He looked up and made eye contact with Sam who was smiling proudly and gave a slight nod.

"I'm not done yet. I am gay," he announced and the room burst into loud chatter as pictures were snapped. He paused and closed his eyes. He considered giving up and just going home but the image of Cas crying on his couch came to mind.

He gripped the wooden edges of the podium until his knuckles turned white. "I hope that the city of Los Angeles can accept an openly gay cop and if you can't well then you can all go screw yourselves," he said with a large smile as more pictures were taken.

John laid his hand on Deans shoulder and leaned in to whisper in his ear, "Stand down, boy. That's an order."

Dean chuckled to himself. "I'm tired of the order of this world. I'm different and I'm proud and it's here that I announce my resignation from the Los Angeles Police Department.

The crowd got louder as people began jumping out of their chairs and yelling questions at him. Dean shook his head, "If you'll excuse me, I've got a plane to catch."


	20. The Interview

"No, you don't understand. I need to be on that plane!," Dean said in frustration to the bored customer service worker at LAX.

The woman shook her curly red hair, "I'm sorry, sir. There's no flights coming in or out to Illinois until tomorrow night."

Dean tightened his fist on the counter. "Fine," he said through gritted teeth and walked away.

Just his luck that this would happen. He sighed and went to go find his car in airport parking.

And who says Cas would even think about taking him back especially after the shit he put him through? Cas deserved better but he was going to try his hardest to prove his love.

XXX

Cas sat on his private airplane with Jo seated across from him in Deans seat. "I cant believe Dean called you," he said in disbelief.

Jo smiled and nodded. "Yeah, he explained it all to me and even paid for my plane ticket."

Cas nodded and looked out the window. He was on his way back to Los Angeles to do his own interview. He was reluctant to do so but Jo and Gabe ended up talking him into it.

Jo grabbed Cas's hand from across the aisle and gave him a reassuring smile. "You can do it, Cas."

He smiled and gave her small hand a squeeze before looking back out the window. He could see the city's lights shining as they got closer to the airport. And closer to Dean.

His mind wandered back to the time when he landed at LAX and Dean was right there waiting for him. He smiled involuntarily as he thought about Deans large smile and bright green eyes. He sighed and forced his thoughts elsewhere. He was doing what he should have done long ago.

XXX

"Hey, thanks for meeting me, man," Dean said to Sam as he sat down at the bar with him.

"Yeah, no problem. I'm actually surprised you're still in town," Sam replied and ordered himself a beer.

"Yeah, well. My plane doesn't even leave until midnight tonight and I was tired of drinking alone."

"Gee, thanks," Sam said sarcastically.

Dean rolled his eyes and took a sip of his own beer. They drank in silence until Sam cleared his throat awkwardly.

"Have you even tried calling him?," Sam asked.

"Yeah but his phones off," Dean replied with a shrug.

"So, what exactly is your plan then?"

Dean said nothing as he pulled a small black box from his front Jean pocket and showed it to Sam whose eyes lit up in a mixture of surprise and excitement.

"Congrats, man! Here's to hoping he says yes," Sam said raising his glass.

Dean smiled sheepishly and clinked his glass against Sam's. "I sure hope so. Cause I don't have a Plan B," he said with a nervous laugh.

Sam shrugged, "What's not to say yes to?"

Dean punched his brother in the arm playfully and then stared down into his beer. He swirled his index finger around the rim of his glass and watched as the beer made waves.

He heard a familiar deep voice coming from the flat screen directly over their heads. Cas. It was Cas's voice.

His head shot up and he felt chills shoot through his spine as he seemingly locked eyes with Cas. The screen cut away to a woman's face. It was the same woman that interviewed Ana. Dean thinks her name was Bela Talbot.

Dean turned to Sam who looked just as equally confused. "Hey, turn that up," Dean ordered the bartender who complied quickly.

Cas was sitting in a tall chair in room with Bela Talbot sitting across form him in the same chair. She didn't have a microphone and it didn't look to be like a public interview. The word 'E! Live' was plastered on the bottom of the screen.

The camera panned to Bela's stoic face as she moved her hair behind her ear. "So, Castiel Novak, I'm told that you've come here to redeem yourself from your mother's own interview last week," she stated.

Cas nodded his head intertwined his fingers together anxiously. Dean narrowed his eyes. "He's nervous," he said to himself.

"Yes, I am. I know I've been all over the tabloids the past two weeks and reporters and media outlets have said less than favorable things about me. I'm here to give my side and clear it all up," he spoke calmly.

"Okay. We've learned from arrest records that your mother was recently arrested by your boyfriend in front of her home a few days ago. Do you care to elaborate on what went down?"

Dean closed his eyes and felt Sam pat his back lightly. "Well, technically she was arrested by his father, the Chief of Police, for public disturbance, drug use and assault with a deadly weapon," he listened closely as Castiel spoke as if he was discussing the weather.

"That's a pretty drastic change from when I saw her just the night previous. Don't you think?"

Dean glanced back up at the television and watched as Cas nodded in agreement. "More or less. I could tell from her interview with you that she had already started her drug use. But with people that relapse like that, they can change their personalities very quickly," he explained.

"And where is she now, Castiel?," Bela continued mercilessly with her questions.

"She is in rehab where she should've been. And after she's all cleared, she will be transferred to prison for attempting to murder Officer Dean Winchester."

Bela's jaw dropped but she quickly regained composure. "Speaking of Officer Winchester, where do you see that going?"

Dean gripped his glass tightly and started chewing on his bottom lip, a habit he did when he was extremely nervous. He stared intensely at the screen as Cas shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

He dazed off for a second as if his mind had taken him somewhere else before coming back. He coughed nervously. "Um, I have a deep love for him that I can't say I've ever experienced before. He decided to break things of and I accepted. We were after all complete opposites."

Bela tilted her head, "Yes, but opposites attract and you could really see the sparks flying between you two. Completely different from the relationship you shared with Balthazar."

Cas let out a shaky laugh and ran his hands down his legs. "Maybe our love had too much fire in it that it just sizzled out," he offered.

Bela shook her head, "With a love that strong, the fire could only grow higher."

Cas zoned out again before Bela coughed to get his attention. He looked up embarrassed, "Right. Can we get to the next question?"

"Of course. Castiel, I'm aware that this has been a black listed question but in light of this spontaneous tell all, the world wants to know in your own words, what happened on the balcony that night?"

"I attempted suicide," he sated simply.

Bela's eyes widened as she seemed to scramble for the next words to say.

"I've been in this business for twenty-four years. My 'star power' has never fizzled out and I've spent all my energy on the industry. A few weeks ago, I was always surrounded by a team of people. There was never a moment where I was utterly alone but at the same time I was. All these people and yet I felt like the only soul in the room," he paused and took a deep breath.

"Along the way, I lost my way. The light in my eyes I once had was long gone. I couldn't even remember who I was. It's an awful thing to go through," he finished.

Bela picked up a tissue and wiped at the corners of her eyes. "I think I speak for everyone when I say that I am very sorry that you had to go through that. It even goes to show that anyone can be a sufferer of depression."

"I don't think of it so much as I suffered with it but more like I'm a conqueror and survivor of it."

Bela nodded along and placed a comforting hand on Cas's thigh. Dean turned to Sam who looked like he was about to cry himself. He turned back to the screen to see Bela take another deep breath before continuing.

"And what could you tell us about Balthazar?"

Cas half heartedly shrugged his shoulders. "You should know better than anyone to not believe everything you see. I mean, this is Hollywood. Looks are deceiving. We did a movie together and 'dated' for PR," he said along with air quotes.

"So none of it was real?," She asked even though she knew the answer.

"No. It was all fake. And why does it even matter? Why do people seem to care about these things so much? Why do we care about the personal lives of celebrities and what we think, what we eat and who were with? Why does anyone care about what I have to say? Because I'm 'important'? Because I'm a 'celebrity'?," Cas ranted as he became obviously more agitated in his seat.

"Well I say we use our public platforms to talk about things that are more serious than who I'm involved with. Everything we do red carpet events, we should talk about world issues instead of what designer we have on. For instance, there are still people starving all over the world."

Bela nodded and pursed her lips a bit. "Is that what you plan on doing at your next red carpet?"

Cas smiled and shook his head, "No."

Bela furrowed her brow, "I'm sorry. Were all just a bit confused here after everything you just said."

Cas chuckled lowly and stood up out of his seat. "I'm not going to because there won't be a next time. I announce my retirement from Hollywood effective immediately."

Deans breath caught in his throat. Did he really just say what he think he said? Or was this some kind of sick joke being played on him? Or maybe a cruel dream he was having?

Cas shook Bela's hand, "Thank you for doing my last interview with me. But no more questions." He started taking of his microphone wire that was attached to the collar of his shirt before the screen cut to a commercial break.

The bar erupted into a loud chatter of customers discussing what just happened and all the revelations Cas just dropped.

Dean turned to Sam dumbfounded who was busy looking at his smartphone. "Dude. Did you just hear what I did?"

Sam nodded. "Yep. And it looks like he's at the studio still since this was live. If you hurry you can still catch him," he held up his phone so Dean could see the address of the studio that he just googled.

Dean nodded quickly and jumped out of the stool, running to the door. "Hey!," Sam called loudly.

Dean turned around. "Yeah?"

Sam smiled widely, "Go get your yes!"


	21. Into your arms

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very short chapter. It looks like this is the end for us! I loved writing this story even though I did take a hiatus in between. I will be uploading the final chapter tomorrow

"Cas!," Dean screamed into the crowd of fans that awaited outside E! News studio in Los Angeles. He lifted his neck to see over the onlookers. He watched as a dark mop of hair walked out of the side door.

"Cas!" Dean screamed while cupping his hands around his mouth to echo his desperate calls. Cas couldn't hear him and continued to walk with his head down to the black SUV a few feet away.

"Dammit!," he groaned and backed up quickly out of the growing crowd. He took off running to the car screaming Cas's name every second. He realized that he probably sounded like the rest of the hundreds of people that were also screaming his name.

He saw the car come closer and closer into view. His lungs were screaming from all the exertion he was putting on them but he couldn't care more about it.

He was getting so close to the car where so many memories were made. He cheered himself on mentally as he dodged people left and right. Dean doesn't think he's had this much exercise since the police academy.

He was almost there when a large arm pushed his chest and he was thrown onto his ass. He looked up to see a mountain of a man standing over him with his arms crossed. "I don't think so, pal," he muttered.

Dean jumped to his feet quickly and saw Cas a few feet from him with his head still down low. His eyes darted back to his new assigned security, "Look, Castiel Novak is my boyfriend. I need to talk to him!"

The large man laughed and shook his head. "Do you know how many times I've heard that?"

Dean rolled his eyes and inwardly groaned. "I'm serious! Cas! Castiel! It's Dean!," he screamed as Cas walked very close near him.

He reached out bravely and gripped Cas's upper arm with his hand. Cas's head shot up and he made eye contact with Dean. Dean was taken back but not by the eye contact. He was taken back by the large man gripping his arm and twisting his arm behind his back painfully.

Dean let out a pained cry and looked down at his feet. He looked back up and saw Cas still staring at him. He pleaded with his eyes to let him talk to him.

Cas grabbed the security guards arms and pushed him off of Dean. "It's okay. I know him," he nodded at Dean.

The man looked between Cas and Dean and nodded before using his outstretched arms as a barricade for the fans that migrated their way over from he door.

Cas turned to Dean and gave him his best icy glare. Dean felt chills run through his spine. If only looks could kill. "What are you doing here, Dean?," he asked coldly.

"I quit the police force," he stated simply.

Cas crossed his arms and raised and eyebrow but still managed to look distant and unamused. "And?," he asked with no interest.

Dean shoved his hands inside his Jean pockets and felt the small black box between his index and thumb. He rubbed it gently to build his confidence. "And after that I bought a plane ticket to Illinois."

Cas raised both his eyebrows in surprise, "I don't know what you're trying to tell me."

Dean sighed nervously and ran a shaking hand through his hair. It was now or never. "I'm trying to tell you that I am head over fucking heels in love with you. I have been since I looked into those blue eyes of yours two weeks ago. I was a goner since the moment we met and I know I screwed everything up. I tried to conform into this image that my father wanted me to be. But I couldn't. And you taught me that it's okay to be yourself and it's okay to be different. When you were finding yourself, I felt like I was living for the first time. And I can't imagine losing you. These last five days have been the worst days of my entire life," he said as he looked Cas in the eyes.

Cas's face gave away no emotion that he was feeling but he hasn't told Dean to go to hell yet either so that was a good sign. He felt a raindrop hit his head and he looked up quickly to see the rain begin to fall.

He let out a laugh and Cas laughed along with him, breaking out into the smile that Dean had ached to see. His clothes were damp and sticking to his skin but seeing the smile on Cas's face was worth it. Let's see if it can get bigger.

"I love you, you idiot!," he yelled over the loud noise of the steady downpour. "I want to have children with you and grow old together and eat all the damn spaghetti that we can!"

Cas's eyes crinkled as he threw his head back with laughter. "You're an idiot, Dean Winchester."

Dean laughed and nodded. "So what do you say, Cas?"

He dropped to one knee and pulled out the small velvet box and opened it to reveal a classic gold wedding band. Cas's eyes grew to the size of saucers as he brought his hands up to cover his mouth. "Oh my God!," he cried.

Dean smiled even wider. This was it. "Will you marry me, Cas?"

The crowd of people were still standing there in anticipation of his answer. They all were soaked to the core and the rain showed no signs of slowing down.

Cas said nothing as he continued to stare at the ring in Deans hand. Its only been ten seconds but it felt like an eternity to Dean.

"Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!," the crowd chanted over and over as they moved their fists up and down in sync.

Cas dropped onto his knees in front of Dean. "Yes!," he screamed and wrapped his arms around Dean.

The crowd exploded into cheers and cries while Cas found Deans lips. It felt like time stopped as they were reunited.

It was as if the rain itself even paused for a brief moment. They kissed each other like the world depended on it or as if this was goodbye. But it was so much more than that. This was hello. It was hello to new beginnings and the new chapter in their lives and Dean was all in for this crazy ride as long as Cas was by his side.

XXX

"God. I still can't believe we're engaged," Dean said blissfully as he laid peacefully next to Cas in their bed. Their bed. It still felt odd on his tongue but he liked it.

Cas smiled, "And I can't believe that you proposed to me in the rain. You're such a sap."

"And I can't believe I live in fucking Pontiac, Illinois now," he groaned sarcastically.

"Oh, you love it here! You get up at five every morning just to go to the farmers market," Cas pointed out.

"You're right. I do," Dean smiled cheesily

Cas laid on his pillow next to Deans and intertwined their hands together in between them. "I love you," Cas smiled.

Dean kissed his hand. "I love you, too."

They stared at each other for the rest of the night. Neither one of them wanting to fall asleep first. The only sounds were their steady breaths and 'I love you's. Cas felt like he had a sense of purpose and for the first time in his life, he knew everything was going to be okay.


	22. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well here it is! The end of my first destiel story. I hope you enjoyed it and feel free to follow my tumblr! tumblr.com/blog/reallifecas

XXX- 2 years later

"Dean! She needs a diaper change and I've been on diaper duty all morning," Cas called to Dean who was upstairs somewhere.

Cas held their new baby girl in his arms and smiled. They had adopted a beautiful girl two months ago. She had blue eyes just like him and her smile made his heart melt.

The three month old cooed happily in his arms and took his finger in her mouth. Cas laughed but let her do what she wished.

Dean came down the stairs freshly shaven and showered. He smiled at Cas and their daughter affectionately. "Hey, gorgeous," he said picking her up out of Cas's arms.

"Are you ready to see your grandparents and aunt and uncles, Grace?," Dean asked as he laid her down gently on a blanket to change her.

Cas nodded and smiled. His life has been nothing but simple since he left Hollywood for good two years ago. Ana was still in prison and had no signs of making parole or getting out anytime soon. Dean had taken a job as a police officer in Pontiac and moved up to head detective in only a year.

As for Cas, he was more than happy to stay home and change diapers all day. They even planned on having more. Over the past two years he felt too burned out to jump into somwthing else right away but if all went well he'd be teaching acting classes in Pontiac by the end of the year. He looked down his left hand and played with his wedding band, twisting it around his ring finger.

He and Dean got married in the middle of town square a year ago where they were surrounded by Dean's family, Jo, Ellen, Gabe and Kali. It was absolutely perfect.

The door bell rang breaking him out of his own happy thoughts. "Can you get that, babe?," Dean asked over his shoulder while buttoning back up Grace's onsie.

Cas stood up, "Of course."

He walked over to the large wooden front door and opened it. Mary, John, Jess and Sam stood excitedly in front of him. He smiled and moved out of the way so they could come in.

Mary gave him a sweet kiss on his cheek as she passed. Sam clapped a friendly hand on his back and Jess pulled him into a tight hug even with her big belly in the way.

He placed a gentle hand on her belly and laughed with joy. "You're getting so close!"

Jess laughed along and put her hand on her back for support. "Oh yeah. He's kicking like crazy but right now all I want to do is eat!"

"It's coming along," he assured her as she walked off to join her husband.

John stood still in the frame of the door and gave Cas a warm smile. "It's so nice to be here, Cas."

He smiled back. He liked when John called him Cas instead of his whole name. He stuck his hand out for him to shake but was surprised when John pulled him into a tight hug of his own.

Cas let out a laugh as he patted Johns back fondly. "I'm really glad you guys are here," he said while he pulled away.

John smiled and nodded. "Is Grace up?," he asked peeking around Cas's shoulder.

Cas moved out of the way and gestured to the living room where Dean was showing her off to his family. John smiled widely and walked to go join his family.

Cas closed the door not bothering to lock it. Another thing he loved about living in Illinois. He made his way to the kitchen and felt his mouth water at all the delicious smells that were flowing from within.

He never used to celebrate Thanksgiving until Dean showed him just how great it was. And it really was. It was undoubtedly his favorite holiday. He set the long dining table easily and placed the food in the middle easily.

He walked into the living room where Jess was rocking Grace sweetly with Mary was cooing at her. Dean, John and Sam were laughing together. It was probably work stories.

He cleared his throat from the entryway and gained everyone's attention instantly. "Dinners ready," he announced.

Jess jumped up and handed Grace to Dean who laughed at his sister in laws reaction. They gathered around the table with Grace settled comfortably in her baby carrier on Dean. She was sleeping peacefully.

They passed dishes around and laughed each others jokes. Jess updated everyone that her due date was the following month and they were hoping for a Christmas baby. John told stories of his and Mary's retirement life and how working nonstop for twenty-five years was worth it.

Deans eyes lit up when John teared up during a toast and told him how proud he was of him. And of course he had to make a joke to get everyone laughing.

Cas heard the front door open and close and they were soon joined by Kali and Gabe. "I thought I heard laughing," he commented smugly.

They took their seats and joined into the conversation easily. Cas looked around the large table where every seat was taken. It made his heart fill up with love to see that he had a family.

And it all started when blue met green.


End file.
